"To make my dreams come true" - Essay on FSU admissions on Vires, Artes and Mores

My values have always been important to me in making choices and the way I live my life. Florida State University's guiding philosophy of "Vires, Artes, Mores", signifying strength in all kinds, exemplified in skill or art, character and tradition, are values that I try to uphold in life.

"Vires" the Latin meaning for strength is needed to accomplish any goal. Playing basketball in high school is one way I embodied strength mentally and physical. During the season we would have intense practices till six, which would just knock me out. It takes a lot of mental strength to get home from practices and games late and then finish homework, study, and keep good grades, when your body just wants to rest. I have extremely high hopes for myself and to ever be able to reach them, I have to have strength in every aspect of my life, no matter what obstacles or barriers impede my way.

"Mores" meaning character, custom, or tradition is important in one's identity. My family and religion reflect my character and traditions. My family being Dominican and devout Catholics, I have a lot of rich traditions. From birth my mother has taught me to always be involved in church from being in Alter Server to being an Usher in mass. Doing the right thing is very important in making my decisions. I try to make my Catholic values a key part of my character. Also, being able to take on new challenges and being flexible is essential to my character, being that I lived in four states and moved a lot. All the people and friends I have made during the places I have lived have reflected in my character.

I live my life full with tradition and character and try to exemplify strength in everything I do. I believe I can use Florida State University as a tool to make my dreams come true and impact the world in a positive way.

I think first and foremost this essay could use a good proofread. There are several mistakes like physically instead of physical, strengthen instead of strength, an instead in, to name a few.

The only big problem i see is that you mentioned the philosophy, "vires, artes, mores," however, you only elaborated on vires and mores. I would add in the third and then re-post your essay.

- James

I don't really like the beginning or the end. I think you can do a better job of expressing a memorable theme. Know what I mean? The intro and conclusion just have general claims about your values, which i guess happen to be the same as the vires, artes, mores values? But the thing is, you need this essay to be about some concept.

You wrote about basketball and Christianity, and they are your examples of vires and mores, I guess. But it really would be great if you can have a concept as your theme --- your personal philosophy, and how it influenced your decisions while you practiced basketball and Christianity.

So... I think this is good, but it could become more focused on a memorable theme, a concept that will stick in the reader's mind.

:-)

I dont think you really need to explain what all the philosophies mean in the beginning. Im sure FSU knows already :P Just think of it as giving an example of each and how it has effected or made you stronger.