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Making Brownies to help cure cancer: Bowdoin Supplement



arianna_muv 8 / 15  
Dec 20, 2011   #1
In an effort to understand your interests and aspirations for college, we ask you to select one of the three topics below and provide a response of

up to 250 words. Please include your name and birth date at the top of the page.
Bowdoin students and alumni often cite world-class faculty and opportunities for intellectual engagement, the College's commitment to the
Common Good, and the special quality of life on the coast of Maine as important aspects of the Bowdoin experience.
Reflecting on your own interests and experiences, please comment on one of the following:
1. Intellectual engagement
2. The Common Good
3. Connection to place
1, Intellectual engagement
I plopped into my couch with my permanent companion, my APUSH textbook. It was 10:00p.m.; I was exhausted. I felt like a battery whose energy had been drained. Thursdays were difficult for me; it took an extraneous effort not melt into hibernation after three consecutive days of driving to my chiropractor in Palm Harbor, a city an hour away. The phone rang, and I lazily answered. "Can you whip up some goodies for tomorrow? We're having a fundraiser, and your treats always fly!" "Of course!" I exclaimed. My night instantly brightened; I danced around my kitchen gathering ingredients; oatmeal, spinach, apples. I'd bake oatmeal cookies, chocolate muffins sweetened with applesauce, and brownies moisturized with spinach puree instead of butter. At 1:00a.m., my mother peeked into the kitchen, frowning. "Why can't you just purchase cookies from the bakery? After this you'll have to do your homework and you'll end up staying up all night like a vampire." I receive the same lecture every time I commence "kitchen duty"; the only thing that varies is the metaphor. My mother doesn't comprehend that baking is how I strive towards the common good. I constantly donate baked goods to FICS, a multicultural center dedicated to serving minorities. It's my way to intertwine my love of nutrition with my passion for helping others. My schedule doesn't permit me to do much "conventional" community service, and my age and resources don't allow me to cure cancer just yet. However, every time someone bites into my brownies, they are unknowingly obtaining a flavonoid boost from the spinach- and flavonoids help prevent cancer.

jesupai 3 / 6  
Dec 20, 2011   #2
It's really good! i like your essay, especially the ending:)
but doesn't your essay qualify more under the question common good?
OP arianna_muv 8 / 15  
Dec 20, 2011   #3
Oh yea that was a mistake I meant to put common good!
Guest /  
Dec 20, 2011   #4
"Thursdays were difficult for me; it took an extraneous effort to not melt into hibernation after three consecutive days of driving to my chiropractor in Palm Harbor, a city an hour away."

"My night instantly brightened; I danced around my kitchen gathering ingredients: oatmeal, spinach and apples."

The introduction is a bit confusing: driving to your chiropractor? And the part about being exhausted and battery with drained energy, i think it's quite redundant. but maybe it's just me. and i also think that you should not avoid using contractions too often; although the essay can have a casual tone, the writing shouldn't be too informal.

but overall, i think it's a good essay, the content is great. i agree with jesupai, i like the ending too. good job and good luck:)

and help me with my essays too please!
Erica Htet 2 / 8  
Dec 20, 2011   #5
Overall, your essay is a very good one. But I think using both "exhausted" and "feeling like a battery whose energy had been drained" is a bit redundant.


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