'making friends in the US' - Commonapp - activities or work experience

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

For a new immigrant to the United States, making friends is the most important key to happiness. Friends help to keep balance between the necessity of working hard in school and downtime. It was difficult for me until I participated in Challenge Day.

Challenge Day was an event that I was fortunately invited to attend. Staff facilitators and students working in small groups shared lives they have had to deal with. The "challenge" was to understand one another better and make the school a better place for everyone. Challenge Day had a profound effect on me. I learned many valuable things. For example, it is not okay to judge others, it is up to me to keep my head up even when things are difficult, and there is value in opening up to others and sharing my feelings.

As a result of my participation in Challenge Day I have been able to make many good friends. It helped me to better understand the people around me . Now I can face all my problems in being a newcomer with more confidence.

Last sentence- It helped me to better understand the people around me and allowed me to take on the burden of being a newcomer with confidence.

Possibly change the first paragraph to, "as a new immigran to the United States, making friends was essential to my happiness...Making new friends in a new country was difficult until I participated in Challenge day.

Hello,

This is a tricky one. Depending on who reads your essay, he or she may feel that you did not properly answer the prompt. The prompt is asking you for an extra curricular activity. What you described here was a single event. Unless this event repeats at least once per month, or you are a member of the group that sponsored this event, it does not count as an extra curricular activity. The program you are applying to wants to see what other attributes you will bring to the community other than purely academic curiosity. Talk about any club which you are apart of. Its a much safer bet. admissions essay advice

hey i agree with admission2012. I think the prompt is asking you to elaborate on something that is more long-term as compared to a single activity. You should elaborate on one of the clubs you joined or something... Or maybe a summer job? It is more likely that a long-term activity has a greater impact on you and will help you grow as a person.

Pls help me critic my essay if you can! Thank you. =)