"the manifestation of the education" - Why Columbia University Short Answer?

Hello, will you please tell me if this is complete rubbish? Or suggest and improvements a.k.a criticisms appreciated...
Note: I tried to be very concise, and leave out anything flowery-- I know the language is extremely dry sounding.
thank you!
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Columbia is the manifestation of the education I want. Every condition needed for learning is met here: small class sizes that promote intimate discussions, Nobel laureate professors who will stay after class to help you, top research institutes in which you can explore any field, libraries that I've only daydreamed about, a backdrop (on and off campus) that is a cultural goldmine, and peers who will challenge you.

However, the greatest privilege of all is being able to take part in the unparalleled Core Curriculum, because it satisfies my educational philosophy of building a sound foundation of Classical knowledge. It will provide me with the academic challenge that I have sought and help me develop into the well-rounded intellectual I long to be.

The student body will further enrich my learning experience. Columbia, a multi-cultural "core", will provoke a plethora of intriguing, foreign thoughts that will allow me to look at the world through so many different eyes. No matter how different my peers at Columbia may be from myself, there will as much to learn from them then from any course (and they will have equally as much to learn from me).

Ultimately, I love how students love learning at Columbia. I love how the Core is a shared experience among all of them. I love the prospect of the debates and discussions between us that will ensue. Columbia University IS the sacred intersection between education and students, and truly "at the crossroads of the world".

I'm not sure if manifestation can be used in that context. I would rephrase the "every condition needed for learning is met here". I love your big words and I like it over all:)

I think manifestation is fine, but I'll ask around! Yes that phrase is a bit awkward but also very to-the-point..i'l figure it out eventually.

Also I do not like how I used the word provoke and will fix that!

Good advice! In this example, the word manifestation is used incorrectly. The word you are trying to think of is probably "epitome." However, the whole idea of CLAIMING that it is the epitome of your ideals is not a good approach. Any applicant could make such a claim. You should tell the reader about an interesting CONCEPT. What is the concept that is the epitome of your personality -- and your reason for wanting to attend this school?

:-)


This is the only part where you start to tell us about you. I want to know not just what is special about Columbia but instead what is special about the way YOU can use Columbia to achieve your unique goals. You have to identify some parts of the Columbia program that make it BETTER than other schools for helping you achieve your particular goals.