"March to the Beat of your own drum" -Wake Forest short essay

The Prompt
As a part of 2010 Wake Forest orientation, the freshman class examined The Andes of Ecuador, a painting by Frederic Church. Next year what work of visual or performing art should the incoming class analyze? Why?

My response

Undeterred by spartan surroundings, an elderly man exudes warmth as he instructs a young boy in playing the banjo. Portraying African-American culture in an unprecedented perspective, Henry Tanner's painting; The Banjo Lesson was revolutionary for shattering the stereotypes surrounding a culture. As an innovative dreamer, Tanner, despite adversity evoked compassion by capturing the innocence of a child, portraying their innate determination to learn.

This painting warrants acknowledgement as there is something to be learned from a banjo player. Reaching beyond the canvas, students can discover that motivation drives creativity. Tanner desired to augment society's perception of a culture and he succeeded. Moreover, one can discover that it is acceptable to "march to the beat of your own drum," to be innovative.

Any more advice on why the next class should analyze it? Any suggestions are helpful as I feel like I have not expressed enough reasons. Thank you

Also I will read your essay

This is great. I like how you made a story out of the painting as if the events were actually taking place.

Henry Tanner's painting; The Banjo Lesson Not sure, but did you get the punctuation right? you might have to revise this part

child is singular and their is plural

As an innovative dreamer, Tanner, despite adversity, evoked compassion by capturing the innocence of a child, portraying their innate determination to learn. just an observation, but it seems like there's a lot of commas in this sentence

Moreover, one can discover that it is acceptable to "march to the beat of yourone's own drum," to be innovative.

Love the ideas you have so far.
Have you thought of something dealing with money does not always equate to happiness? I know it's a cliche, but that was all I could come up with

I think you are ready to send! sounds nice. you chose a topic not too conventional, but interpreted individually. nice piece