"the Marks JCH Community house" - short answer - activities

It has been an unexpected honor, and gift to be working with the Marks JCH Community house. After briefly working as a counselor during the summer of 2009, I grew to enjoy my time in this facility and met many great people. JCH became somewhat of a loving home where I began doing various community service activities. It was here, where I discovered the great gift of giving to the needy. Community service had never really been something of my interest; it was more of something I knew I had to do. But after my first work as a volunteer, I had absolute appreciation for my fellow peers who have been participating in this volunteer work for years. These participants were a strong influence on my time and efforts. I realized I knew I had to do more. In addition, to my community service in Marks JCH Community House, I have also monitored for various teachers within school and participated in various clubs such as the Slavic Club and more. Outside of School, I managed a paid job for 3 years working with children on weekends.

I'm not totally sure exactly what the format should really be for this section of the application, but this is how I did mine

Does anyone have any revisions or suggestions?
186 words

your supposed to focus on one activity, at the end you get sloppy. these is my changed paragraph

I had always viewed community service as more of an obligation than a passion. Last summer my perspective changed. I worked as a counselor for the Marks JCH (what does this stand for)Community house. I grew to enjoy my time in this facility and met many great people (very elemtary showing boring sentence). JCH became a loving home where I began doing various community service activities(like what). It was here I discovered the great gift of giving to the needy(cheesy). I gained an absolute appreciation for my fellow peers who have been participating in this volunteer work for years. These participants were a strong influence on my time and efforts. It has been an unexpected honor and gift to give back to others and I've realized I need to do more.

i would ditch the parts about your new appreciation for peers and talk more about what you learned. tell a story. ocus on one experience.good luck!

please look at my amherst essay too!