(Martial Arts) Common Application: extracurricular activities

Hi, I was wondering if you guys could give me some feedback on my short response to this prompt:
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

I have been practicing Wushu for the about seven years. Wushu has helped me relief stress, overcome my fear of stage fright, and build my confidence. Wushu enabled me to confront my fears of stage fright because I was often invited to perform in shows and festivals around the Bay Area. Having performed in various shows and festivals, I gained the confidence of speaking in front of my peers. Talking in front in front of my peers was not something that intimidated me anymore. During times of stress, I was able to use chi to help calm my body and relieve stress. Chi is a type of energy that involves slow breathing along with different movements that allows the body to relax. Wushu helped me open up and express myself in a way that I was not able to at school. Through my passion of Wushu, I created a website to share my passion with others hoping to enlighten others about this amazing sport at youtheca.com/activity/wushu.

Overall, no offense, but it seems like it isn't well rounded. Here are a few corrections to be made. Good luck to wherever you're applying; I'm starting to get nervous myself!

Wushu has helped me torelief stress, toovercome my fear of stage fright, and tobuild my confidence.
Wushu enabled me to confront my fears of stage fright because I was often invited to perform in shows and at festivals around the Bay Area.

HavingPerforming in various shows and festivals, I gained the confidence of speaking in front of my peers.
During times of stress, I was able to use chi to help calm my body and to relieve stress.
Wushu helped me to open up and to express myself in a way that I was not able to at school.
Through my passion of Wushu, I created a website to share my passion with others hoping to enlighten others about this amazing sport at youtheca.com/activity/wushu. change passion; you have it twice.

Thanks for the feedback jfrancishutch! This was a draft that I wrote up really quickly. I am not very good at expressing myself. I wondering if it would be okay to take a different approach to answering the prompt. My friend suggested that I should not use my UC #2 approach but instead rewrite a new one instead. Is it okay to approach this prompt in a "story" kind of way or is it better to just get straight to the point?