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Martial arts - supplemental essay on Jiu Jitsu - UNC

aviatorspings 1 / -  
Sep 27, 2023   #1

personal qualities plus a story

Discuss one of your personal qualities and share a story, anecdote, or memory of how it helped you make a positive impact on a community. This could be your current community or another community you have engaged.

Background: I would like to talk about my experience coaching junior members of the completion team at my Jiu-Jitsu school, but I'm not sure what trait I should use, or how exactly to present it, any feedback is appreciated!

This is my rough draft:
I saw the ref's hands counting down the final 10 seconds of the match. "Hold him down," I yelled at my student. "Ten seconds left! Keep going!" I screamed at him. Even from the coaches chair I was jittery with anxiety. So much could happen in those ten seconds, which ended slower than I thought possible. But I knew that my student didn't need my worries, all he needed was direction and a little encouragement, and that was all I gave him. As my teammate stood up, I was filled with pride to see my teammate's hand lifted by the referee, earning him his first gold medal. I had led my best student to victory, and it would've been impossible for me to do so without managing my stress, and making decisive decisions. Before starting Jiu Jitsu at fourteen, I was the kind of person to get to an airport 5 hours early, and to worry endlessly about the car crashing, or other slight chances. But within martial arts there is a level of practicality which forces you to live in the present, and react based on what's needed, not what you feel and want. After starting martial arts I've been able to temper my worries, and to make my decisions and stick by them, so well in fact that I can weather the uncertain results of months of training with one of my students, without wavering.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,830 4781  
Oct 8, 2023   #2
This story of your even temperament is actually something unique in this type of application. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and learning about how it applied to the martial arts community that you belong to. As a coach, it is important that you keep your competing students centered. You showed exactly how to do that. Not only that, but you also shared how JiuJitsu helped you evolve from a worrywart to a person focused only on the immediate needs that would be helpful to you or another person. That definitely shows how you can assist in the development of the student community of your school. I would not change anything about this presentation. It works fine as it is.

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