Math. I have been part of the Talented Youth Program of El Salvador

Editing of grammar, spelling, punctuation, or any critique would be really appreciated.

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We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (100 words or fewer)

When I read this part of the application, I inmediatly knew which activity I would write about. One that has captivated me until now: Math. I have been part of the Talented Youth Program of El Salvador since 2001. This is a program for students who enjoy Math and Sciences just by the pleasure their study brings. It takes place in the National University, so I traveled two hours every saturday to go to classes, and "to sacrifice my day of rest" -as some of my friends describe it. Instead, I see it as one of the most delightful activities in my life.

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103 words.
I am afraid of adding something else because of the number of words.

Do you think it answer the question accurately?

Thank you so much for your time! :)

I don't like it. The first two sentences: redundant. If I were an adcom, I'd really hope that you know what you want to write about. I'm reading it. That leaves you room to add maybe like what you learned there or how it changed you.

You address the prompt. math. I don't think you need that first sentence. inmediately is also wrongly spelled. Instead of talking about that program, talk about math! tell MIT what you enjoy about math. yes it's great that you mention "spending Saturdays to participate in the Talented Youth Program at the National University of El Salvador"... but what about this made it worth the two hour drives? just doing math? the challenge? the thought of new problems? pray tell. that makes for a stronger answer

Very unnecessary...

The fact that you had to travel 2 hrs to get to the uni and how your friends call that... All of these details are irrelevant to your interest in maths.

Describe more of what you do at the program. Do you solve difficult math problems? Do you listen to lectures? Do you have to work in groups to solve some kind of puzzle? Those kind of things are probably what adcoms(especially the ones at MIT) look for.

Thank you guys! Really helpful!
Now I see how terrible that first draft was!

Is there something I could delete to make it shorter?
Is it accurate now?
Is it good enough for MIT?

Again thanks a lot! :)

just a note, Math is a common word. lower-case it please. one other thing that program now just pops up randomly. >_< anything specific about it that you can talk about? better focus though.

those is it questions...iono really. continue with less passive voice? your first draft had better tense variation and verb variation... :<

The point I want to make in mentioning the program is that it allowed me to know Math in a better way than school has presented it to me.

I made slight changes. What do you think?

I like your second draft better!
But I think that when you mentioned that the club you joined is for people who like math for pleasure in your first draft should be included in your second draft, so you can answer the question correctly.

Good Luck

Thank you so munch!
I really appreciate your advices.

I tried to include all your suggestions, here is the result:

Joining the Talented Youth Program of El Salvador introduced me to a fascinating world. This is a program for people who enjoy Math just by the pleasure its study brings. I realized human's capacity goes beyond solving the easy tasks I faced at school. My imagination and creativity were really called to act by the problems I had to deal with since then. Math represents challenge, the more tricky the problem is, the more captivated I am. Furthermore, the delight of conquer problems is just bewitching. The essence of Math is to transform seemingly complicated things into simple using the most subtle and beautiful ways.

105 words.

Is the contracion in "I realized human's capacity..." inappropiate for this kind of writing?

Now that I deleted the word "Mathematics" at the begining (because of the word counting), is the answer clear?

I like this way of starting best! How about putting this sentence with the new version.

:-)

Here is an edited version!
Please tell me what do you think?'

Mathematics! Becoming part of the Talented Youth Program of El Salvador introduced me to a fascinating world. This is a program for people who enjoy Math just by the pleasure its study brings. I feel utter joy when after some cups of coffee and many hours of countless attempts, the sparkly idea that kills the problem finally comes. It is an intense and engaging experience. The best thing is that the farther I go, the more captivated I am by this astonishing world of rigorous fantasy we call mathematics.

Thanj you so much in advance!

I think mathematics is the something many students write about. For MIT, you must have stronger statement about mathematics.

I feel utter joy when, after some cups of coffee and many hours of countless attempts, the sparkling idea that kills the problem finally comes.

This is well-written, for sure. I thin it could be better if, instead of just celebrating the joy of math, you mention math;s significance to your career as you envision it.

You have such limited space i suggest you get rid of the first sentance. You could start by saying: One activity that has captivated me is math.

Numbers are written in words so it may help to say for the last eight years instead of 2001
mention how often and what have yu won, or how many times you have won a certain award
i like 'sacrifice your day of rest' coz it shows ur dedication
hope this helps and plaese do help with my essays
thanx