Mathematics- an intellectual experience or class that has influenced & inspired me

I don't know if I answered the prompt, and I don't think this is a good piece of writing. Please critique!

A particular math class with a simple test problem,"Which is an origin", had me considered giving up on math. Had mathematics just defeated me? My inner-self told me,"if I didn't take a math class... I wouldn't have taken tests...and I wouldn't have spotted this problem." Was it time for me to surrender?

In 9th grade, I took a Discrete Math class. There was a problem on a test I took, had etched into my memory. A problem stated,Which is an origin? my ignorance of simple vocabularies had led me indecisively picked an answer. I received my test back few days later. Consequently, my face dropped into disappointment.

Few months later, I flashed back to my old memory, I still remembered how discontent I was about the class and an easy test problem. I had thought about selecting math classes for next few years. But despite the hardship I had faced in previous class, such as complicated tests and homework, I was completely reluctant about my decision. "At this moment, should I take risks by continuing my math career or simply just give up?".

But, was it worth to give up? I wasn't sure, though. I was not desire to limit my aspirations. I didn't want this to happen.Everything had turned out to be positive outcomes. It turned out that I consistently took risks by taking numerous math classes regardless of the grades I obtained. I was now determined and ready to transform my math weakness into my strength.

As time went by, I began to ask myself, "If mathematics didn't exist, how would economists accurately make future assumptions of our economy, and how would researchers claim, determine, and conclude its significance, success,or failure of a research."

This is why Brown University offers combinative degrees such as, Applied Mathematics with Economics and Applied Mathematics with Biology. I'm sure Brown strongly believes in the correlations between these subjects; and this must also be an intimation of its desire to offer students a wide range of opportunities and options.

Today, I still find math really challenging. Who knows that if I still find it challenging in the next ten, twenty, or even thirty years? Who knows if I will end up becoming a famous mathematician, an economist and a scientist in the future? Nobody knows. At this moment, I will definitely start taking risks and strive for an understanding of mathematics. Finally, studying Mathematics along with Economics and Biology will be able to enhance and expand my knowledge in different fields. Sure, it will be a new set of challenge for me, but I strongly confirmed that I am going to a right direction. Ultimately, mathematics will never defeat me.

Hello - so i am not great at breaking down the sentances and giving advice. However I am able to address each of your paragraphs and make revisions which improve flow, structure and ultimatley the message you are trying to get across.

To get it straight - this this an admissions essay for brown ? If so I would suggest that you indicate your improvement in maths. So in order to embark upon a degree with a mathmatic component one does not need an innate aptitude or brilliance, however pragmatically one does need a certain level of proficiency. Therefore I would suggest that you communicate that you are numerate - and are able to deal with the challenges or degree level maths.

Hope it is helpful

Best Wishes

Ellen

A particular Mathematics class, with a simple test problem "Which is an origin?". I didn't know the answer, had mathematics just defeated me?. My internal dialogue was saying "if I hadn't taken math... then I wouldn't have taken this test... and I wouldn't have been stumped by this problem..." Was it time to raise the white flag?

In 9th grade, and this time it was in a discrete maths class. Etched into my memory is a test question "Which is an origin? " again, my ignorance led me to indecisively pick an answer, which I remember today as A(4,2). A few days later and the results came in, my face dropped in disapointment.

That feeling of disapointment stayed i my memory, and several months later I was still thinking about whether I should continue with advanced mathmatics, or whether I should give it up.

In the back of my mind I considered whether it was worth it, and part of me decided that giving up maths would limit my future aspirations, something I didnt want. So instead I continued to take numerous maths classes, regardless of the grades I obtained. I became determined to transform my weakness into a strength.

As time went by I began to ask myself if mathematics didn't exist, how would economists accurately make financial prognositications? - How would we be able to derive inferences about research and analyse its success, failure and significance?

This is why Brown University offers combinitive degrees in areas such as Applied Mathematics with Economics and Applied Mathematics with Biology. I take from this that Brown believes strongly in correlation and holism between subjects; and that this must also be an indication of their desire to give students options.

Today I still find mathschallegning, and who knows if that will still be the case in ten, twenty, or even thirty years?. I might still end up a mathematician, economist or scientist in the future? Nobody knows, but I will continue to take risks and strive to understand Mathematics. Ultimatley studying Mathmatics, Economics and Biology feels like a challenge, in the right direction. Ultimately, Mathematics will never defeat me.

Thank you for your input. It's very helpful.
I have changed my essay, but did not change a lot because I want to keep it as original as possible. please proofread it again to see if there are grammatical errors.

Thank you very much. :D

Anyone, any critiques?

This is an important insight. Sometimes we write something inspired and then revise the life out of it until it is no longer what it was supposed to be.

A particular math class with a simple test problem,"Which is an origin," caused me to consider had me considered giving up on math. Had mathematics just defeated me? My inner-self told me,"If If I had not taken a math class... I wouldn't have taken tests...and I wouldn't have spotted this problem." Was it time for me to surrender?

Usually people use "A few..."

A few months later, I flashed back to my old memory; I still remembered how discontent dissatisfied I was about the class and an easy test problem. I had thought about selecting ...

But, was it worth to give up? But, did it justify giving up?
or
But, was it really necessary to give up?

:-) great theme!!

Thank you, Kevin.
I have a question, do you think it is appropriate to include Brown on the essay or should I get rid of it? Do you think I answered the prompt?

If you're applying to Brown, then you should include Brown University there for sure! and i think that you should add some more reasons why you want to attend Brown, at least add one more sentence in the 6th paragraph ;)

Thanks, Madu410.

Yes, the thing to do is make it tailored to the place receiving it.. so include Brown, as Madu mentioned. It's just like applying for a job. Prove to them that you are making their institution a priority and that you have carefully considered your plans.

I think you definitely did answer the prompt. It is always good to show clearly that you answered the prompt by using some key words from it, such as "inspired" and "intellectual."

Thanks, Kevin.