'maximized any and all opportunities' - Common App Transfer Essay

Objective- Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
Note: The Common Application essay should be the same for all colleges. Members that wish to review custom essay responses will request them on their Supplement form.

Your essay will appear on a separate sheet at the end of the application.

I THINK I TIRED TOO HARD AND MESSED IT UP PLEASE GUYS ANY ADVICE AND SUGGESTIONS CRITICIZE IT OR ANY WAYS TO CHANGE IT

Starting my college career off at Monroe community college was second chance. my lackluster performance in high school led me to this. You know how to saying goes. Throughout high school I was a horrible student I did nothing-skipped class, didn't do my homework didn't study. Part of it was because of my immaturity and the other is I had no intentions of going to college. I began working for my father since the summer before high school. I was getting trouble. Staying out late and just hanging out with the wrong crowd. So my dad put me to work at his grocery store. As I progressed through high school became my second priority. I believed that I never really needed school since my father was a high school drop out from a third world country (Pakistan). My dad used to tell how he left home at the tender age of 16 to go aboard to make a living for him and his family. He used tell me a lot of stories about Pakistan about how he grew up in a twenty foot by twenty foot room with him and his 7 brothers .These stories never had any affect on me because I was in high school and more worried about this weekend's big party or who's KD ratio is better on call of duty. After I limped out of high school I wanted to go on a vacation since I didn't have any thing else to do. I wanted to go visit my cousins in England but my parents decided that a trip to Pakistan would be best for me. The trip has had a big impact on the person I am today it is what defines me. I think that my life can be divided into two parts, the one is before my trip to Pakistan, and the other one is after that trip. In Pakistan, I stayed with my maternal uncle and helped manage his ranch. Staying there was a very interesting experience. I would wake in this huge bungalow and as long as I would stay inside I would never know that I am in a third-world country. However, every time I would step outside or even out to the balcony. Straightaway, I would notice a drastic transformation in the scenery.

Nearly every house, not within the boundaries of my uncle's estate, looked as if it belonged in a shantytown. It was a truly disheartening moment as it was difficult for me to fathom the notion that beside this opulent bungalow lay the homes of hundreds of impoverished individuals. I started to remember the stories my father used to tell about him and his brothers.. I thought for a moment about how if my dad hadn't come to the US I could have been on of those people in those raggedy dwellings. In that instance, my perception of not just affluence but of life, in general, altered. I would commence an enthused approach to my studies and not flounder as I had done throughout my high school career. I know that I can live comfortably of my dads grocery store and hes is planning to buy another one but I don't think I can help others that is why I started to pursue my education and strated taking my education seriously no for me . I mend my ways and changed so I can help people . I enrolled in MCC two weeks before classes started and learned a lot here now it time for me to move on and .

My father was utterly precise in that this sojourn would help me find my own niche; I enrolled at Monroe Community College (MCC) in the fall of 2010 and put my education first to none. Ever since, I have been striving to maximize every opportunity and become someone one who can aid and bring relief to others and have a positive impact on the life of others. Although I am a business major, I see using my tutelage in the business world as a strait to find my own individuality as someone who can stimulate and catalyze change in all facets of life. I feel I have maximized any and all opportunities that MCC has offered me; it is time for me to move on and find a more viable platform to accomplish both my personal and educational goals. While MCC is a great institution, it can't assist me in further developing myself, hence the reason for me applying to a four-year university and not continuing my studies at MCC.

I CHANGED IT CAN LOOK THIS OVER PLEASE DUE TOMORROW THANK YOU

Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

Note: The Common Application essay should be the same for all colleges. Members that wish to review custom essay responses will request them on their Supplement form.

Your essay will appear on a separate sheet at the end of the application

When I was in High School, I never really applied myself and therefore my grades suffered tremendously. Truth is, I never had any intention of pursuing a tertiary education and my immature thinking had led me to believe that I had already learned all that I needed to know. I knew that I would be the heir to my Father's grocery store and felt that I was destined to be just that. High school had always been my second priority. I often found myself having to work late at night and unable to wake up the following day for school. This is when I dropped the ball so to speak. It was a sort of snowball effect that soon became an avalanche and then I had pretty much given up all together on furthering my education. I did however still manage to graduate from high school and quickly became the Manager of my father's store. At first, everything seemed to be going really well. I had everything I wanted; or so I had thought. A few months later I had an epiphany. I had seen myself doing this same tedious job day in and day out, for the rest of my life. Instantly I knew that I needed to make a change in my life! I needed something better for both my family and myself. I knew that I had plenty of potential and motivation, now it was just a matter of what to do with all of that. So, I decided to enroll myself at Monroe Community College (MCC) in the fall of 2010. Before I attended any classes, I had made a promise to myself that I would pursue my studies wholeheartedly and not allow any outside influences to change that. I told myself that I was not going to spend the rest of my life wasting away at my father's grocery store. Even with the knowledge that it would someday be mine, I knew that I needed much more than that. To my surprise, my father was thinking the same thing. He knew that I needed my own identity and even offered to assist me in achieving my dreams. Ever since, I have been striving to achieve my goals. Currently, I am a business major and I intend to keep working towards a Master's Degree in Business Administration. MCC has been such a great experience for me and I feel it has truly prepared me for the next challenge in my life; that being a four year University. I have spent the last several semesters teaching myself to be more studious through new and improved study habits as well as practical applications in the classroom. I can now honestly say that I am more than equipped to handle the demanding structure of University life. Therefore, it is now time for me to move forward with my educational goals and transfer to a college or university that can provide the necessary ingredients for my future success.

This was when I dropped the ball so to speak.

It was sort of a snowball effect that soon became an avalanche, and then I had pretty much given up altogether on furthering my education.

I have spent the last several semesters teaching myself to be more studious through new and improved study habits, as well as practical applications in the classroom.

You did a fine job of fixing it up, now your essay is great! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)