It's basically writing 1 page single spaced essay on why you choose CMU and the major, or program you have choosen.
As a prospective mechanical engineering student of Carnegie Institute of Technology, it would be
my desire to design, analyze, and study machines that would be able to maximize their efficiency while still being environmental friendly. Carbon dioxide is one of the major causes of pollution in our society. Every day, carbon dioxide is released into the air from driving a car and using electricity powered appliances to factories producing goods through chemical and heat processes. Also, I am interested in the rich curricula offered at CIT and opportunities such as interdisciplinary designated minors, undergraduate research, and traveling aboard.
I was interested in biology during my sophomore year of high school, so I contacted professors at the University of Wyoming for a summer internship. During the summer before my junior year in high school, I spent two month experimenting the effect antioxidants on cardiovascular inflammation through the use of apparatuses like the gel electrophoresis and microcentrifuge. Using these machines, my curiosity turned towards the theories behind how the gel electrophoresis was able to separate a specific type of protein on to the gel. My understanding of how the electrophoresis worked was when I discovered that the apparatus is powered by electric current which separates the bands of protein on to the gel. As daily experiments were conducted, I became even more fascinated on how these machines could operate the way they do. And from this internship, I developed an interest in how machines worked.
My preference for Carnegie Mellon over the other schools is because of the interdisciplinary designated minors and undergraduate research programs that it offers to the students. For instance, a minor in robotics would not only help me understand my major more but would also allow me to have a broader view of mechanical engineering. Also a robotics minor would be more focused on hands on experience and consequently would strength my ability to solve real life problems. Additionally, Carnegie Mellon has a variety of resources to conduct research unlike other schools. By being able to integrate the knowledge learned in class and applying it during research, it is then possible to think in an innovative manner about engineering in a whole new perspective. Research with a group of students or independent research, would be a pathway for what my future careers would be or what my goals in graduate school are. For example, one of my goals is to apply my knowledge learned from class to apply it during research in order to design power generating machines that would minimize its output of pollution while still maximizing its efficiency through environmental conducive research. And what interests me about research is that even if the results is not what one would like to get, one is still able to learn from one's mistakes and could better improve the experiment the next time. Research demonstrates the skills that show the depth of the student's education and the ability to comprehend solutions to real life challenges that are faced in everyday life. This school would prepare me for a profession in the future.
Also a reason for me to choose Carnegie Mellon is because of the chance to study abroad after establishing my fundamentals of my major. And by doing so, I would be traveling to the other side of the world to see what engineers in Europe are like. Studying mechanical engineering in a different set of environment allows me to be able to adapt quickly and still be able to pursue an interest in my future career. And by traveling abroad, I will gain new techniques to approach problems and gain a different perspective of education. But most importantly, studying mechanical engineering in a two different parts of the world would grant me more skills and ultimately lead me to achieve higher mastery.
The campus is beautiful and this is place for me to have the college experience of being independent as well as enhancing my knowledge. Carnegie Mellon has a wide variety of educational programs and resources for research. These conditions are ideal for me to pursue a career.
I am just wondering if English is your first language? It is a fine essay but you have left out some "the"s and other articles and have recurring tense agreement problems.
"But at CIT, I know that I would be given the chance to use my knowledge and creativity to explore the physical world and eventually earn the title of an engineer."
Thank you very much, and no, English is not my first language.
Here are some minor gammar
...in order to analyze, design and create machines and tools=>...in order to analyze, design, and create machines and tools (I put comma after design)
...since I did biomedical research at University of Wyoming=> since I had a biomedical research at University of Wyoming
During my two month internship=> During my two months internship
I would use machines and tools in order to conduct experiments to gather data=> I used machines and tools in order to conduct experiments to gather data
I did not truly understand what the machines did expect that if I put thing 'A' in it, I would get result 'B' (I'm not sure what you mean in this sentence)
=>... But because I was forever curious and always tried to learn and understand (change I am to I was & try to tried)
=>...these machines on the websites (change web to websites)
=>...One of the main reasons for why I want to be a student of CIT is of the undergraduate
(delete because)
=>... By doing research as an undergraduate and pursuing a minor (change and to a)
=>...me this once, in a life time opportunity (add comma)
=>...Besides at CMU
Just as this man says, you must passionate attitude towards your work...(I wouldn't change from I to you, I don't know why you did that)
To this, the question come back to, why Carnegie Mellon University? Well not only because it is ranked...I would change to this =>Furthermore, I choose Carnegie Mellon University not only...
=> I have never been able to create or design anything because my family moves almost annually and I will not be given the opportunity to apply my knowledge of mathematics and science to create something of my own (you change from present perfect tense, present tense, then past tense..., so maybe I change I was to I will not be give sound better)
This needs some punctuation to distinguish it as the word being defined:
"Mechanical engineer" -- One who applies the concepts...
Carnegie Mellon would grant me a rich and rigorous curriculum in which I can achieve higher knowledge.--- this sentence does not really mean anything. All college students hope to have such a curriculum. Your job is to be able to know CMU deeply and know why it is a better place to learn your particular subject of interest.
If you spend a lot of time planning your future, you will have a detailed plan and very specific preferences about the environment in which you take your education. Go deep, and show that you are very familiar with your subject of interest and the related resources and faculty members at CMU.
:-)
