I pledge your help :) thanks
1.Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?
I first found out about Syracuse University while doing a college search on the Collegeboard website. I added it to my options immediately and started doing more research. So I found out a friend was studying civil engineering and he told me the engineering school was simply amazing. So I got even more interested. I looked into the athletics department and I know I would be a perfect fit for your swimming team. I guess there's more than one source of information and that's why Syracuse is my number one choice, not only to fulfill my dream to become a successful mechanical engineer but also to achieve my Olympic dream.
2.Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?
One month ago I attended a lecture on premarital relationships. Many topics where discussed but the point was to explain how to build the base for a healthy marriage instead of a possible divorce. The man giving the lecture said one thing that had a bigger impact on me than what it probably should have had. He told us he knew that if he asked us how we saw each one of us 20 years from now, over ninety percent of us would say something like, "married, with children, working happily", and we would be wrong. He said most of us are not able to achieve success. Well I know I dream of becoming a successful engineer, a person known as a giver, a hard-working person who doesn't wait for things to fall in place, a great swimmer. But most of all, I dream of happiness. Happiness that can only be attained by having Syracuse help me achieve my goals, and become the person I dream of becoming.
3. If you have had work experience, what skills and/or knowledge did you gain?
I was a business partner with 3 friends in a music business. I was the main DJ. We did all sorts of events not only night parties, we also did engagement parties and graduations. While in my three years in the business I learned about investment, partnership, but most of all handling myself in difficult situations. This work taught me that things can go wrong at any point and you have to maintain focus and be ready for anything that might occur.
4. Our mission of Scholarship in Action, education for the world in the world, extends beyond the classroom to include engagement opportunities with our campus community, the City of Syracuse, and locations across the globe. Based on your interests, tell us what real-world experiences you might pursue during your education at Syracuse as part of this mission.
In my life, helping other people is one of my top priorities. My friends often say I give too much thought to other people's needs and I don't take care of myself. I am part of a Catholic Youth World Network's branch, called ECYD. Part of the things I do with my team there include, collecting food for the poor, teaching religion to young kids, planning charity fund-raiser events, and other things. I have also done over 150 hours of community service, but I don't think any of these are what matters. The little things that people don't mention are the most important ones, such as helping out a friend with a problem, or cleaning your brother's bedroom because he's sick and you want to help him. These kind of things really don't stand out on their own, but altogether they make you a really great person. I wish to help as much as I can everywhere in the university. I'd like to make a special impact on your swimming team, which I wish it will help me achieve my Olympic Dream; giving it my best all of the time I'd love to make my country's team for the London 2012 Olympics, and showing my orange SU colors in a NCAA Championship Meet.
Just some minor changes I thought might help!
So I found out a friend was studying civil engineering and he told me the engineering school was simply amazing, furthering my interest in the school.So I got even more interested.
Also change 3 to three. Usually you want to write numbers out in this kind of instance.
I'm not sure if you know, but you probably shouldn't use contractions. Usually formal writing requires that you use two words instead of one.
Doesn't=Does not
I think you understand.
I was a business partner with 3 three friends in a music business. I was the main DJ. We did all sorts of many different events that were not limited to just night parties, we also did engagement parties and graduations. While in my three years in the business I learned about investment, partnership, but most of all handling myself in difficult situations. This work taught me that things can go wrong at any point and you have to maintain focus remain focused and be ready for anything that might occur.
