"More than meets the eye" - essay for Chicago U.

I am not sure what the prompt would be.. maybe to describe myself. But anyways, here it is:

"More than meets the eye"

I am a mystical creature; unbelievably unusual. I have the exceptional ability to listen, to see without being seen. I am an observer. I go unnoticed; it serves my purposes as a spectator. I am never complacent of façades. I don't make assumptions or accusations.

"To err is human," and we are all bound to it, but I have a theory to human behavior. I tend to believe that every wrongdoing and every kindness has a reason behind it. A person who acts violently is probably a victim of violence himself and a person who is caring and compassionate most likely has been taken care of, or felt compassion for. Although unexplained evil exists, often evil is the product of previous experience. There are certain people on whom we give up too easily. We believe we have tried enough and we relent. But if we all give up, who will make enough impact in them as to produce change? No one.

I have the ability to make eye contact during a conversation. I pay attention to the slightest gestures, their behavior in general. Sincerity is one of the simplest things I am capable of detecting, although most people rather blind themselves to words. I don't hear; I listen. I listen to what they have to say, and if I find it necessary, I comment, but I mostly listen. I am an observer. I enjoy traveling along the other person's mind; evaluating their thoughts. When we express our feelings, the majority of times we are not concise in the way we say them. We tend to diffuse our words, and our real emotions get lost along the way. But I can decipher them; I can observe the true meaning behind words.

I am an observer, yet I am often hurt by my way of thought. I am often disappointed. But I rather be disappointed than be lacking trust.

I am an observer; I am a mystic creature, a hopeless romantic; I am a spectator; but above all, I am human. I can observe, trust, believe, hope, but an art I have yet to master is the complete understanding of the human mind.

P.S. Feedback needed!

^This makes you sound very weird. Especially the "mystical creature" part. Colleges don't want weird. It sounds as if you have no ambition and that you are...just weird. I don't think that it is humanly possible to not make assumptions.

Not sure if stating your ideals in the second paragraph is very wise since it doesn't really go anywhere and it seems to have no proven base to some of the statements.

You come off as thoroughly weird in this essay (at least I thought you did). Although U chicago is known for it's academic rigor and philisophical minds I'm not sure you are going about it in the right way.

I am never complacent of façades.

...but I have a theory to explain human behavior.

I don't just hear; I actively listen.

I like the abstract way you think. It reminds the reader that we are having an experience that is quite surprising.

^Because...that is a unique ability, as most people fail to make eye contact during a conversation?

Overall, your essay is not that interesting. From what I can infer, you are trying to present yourself as some creature, well a mythical one in your case, that is observant with other humans. K.

Well..


^Believe it or not, most people can do this anyway. You are not some unique creature, you are just a regular human being.


^Yes, and it will take a very long time to understand the human mind, because there is no definite firm solution. There are theories to help explain certain elements of human thinking.

I do not really know what you are attempting to do with your essay. This is a UChicago essay, and whilst abstract essays are generally interesting, this one isnt, because it just dawns on that one aspect of being an observant mythical creature, when in reality, your essay fails to explain how you are one.