Thank you all in advance for reading my essay.
I feel like transition between 4th and 5th paragraph is quite awkward. Any thoughts?
Any comments and criticisms are welcome!
THANK YOU!
[A] Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?
"Piqué and arabesque. Hold! One, two and arabesque penchée!" The voice of my ballet teacher, went through my ear with the music of Giselle. I was breathless and soaked with sweat, yet I did not want to stop dancing on the floor. I was too in love with dance.
Ever since I first grabbed the bar and learned grand plié as a seven years old girl, I immediately fell in love with dance. Once I was able to enter in the major class at my dance studio, I wanted to dedicate my life to dance and had my mind set on a dancing career. I had two hours of dance class six days a week and spent at least two or more hours at the studio after every class. My world literally revolved around dance and I thought it would never change.
Without warning, change all the sudden occurred with my back and Achilles tendon injuries. My doctor diagnosed me with Achilles tendonitis and scoliosis and strongly recommended that I stop dancing. His bold suggestion definitely worried my parents who were not supportive of dance from the beginning. I, however, was willing to endure the pain so I could continue dancing. After hours of crying and talking, I barely persuaded my parents to agree to a compromise in which I would take "a break" from dancing and focus on a physical therapy and acupuncture.
At that point, I was helpless. I felt as if everything was working against me. Even though I boasted that I could recover and return to the dance studio, I could sense it was the worst crisis of my life as a dancer. However, the crisis later turned out to be the golden opportunity to reflect me; I had to ask myself different questions about the future and avoid falling into despair or complaining about my situation. Do I really want to do dance for my rest of life? Is dance the thing I am the best at? Or is dance just something that I am obligated to? Once I started to look at dance in a different perspective, I surprisingly felt the freedom of choices. I felt as if so many other exciting doors were revealing to me.
Following the summer of 2006, I chose the most appealing door, going to America, and quit dancing of my will. It was shocking news for everybody and frankly I was anxious too about what would happen next. But here I am now in America learning and experiencing things that I would never have even imagined before. Through the unexpected, challenging set back, I have learned a lesson- I should never be afraid of change or opportunity though it might be difficult to break the old pattern of life. For many hardships that will come along for the rest of my life, I will not surrender to fear but take them as a chance to mature by remembering both ups and downs are elements of life that will shape me.
Ever since I first grabbed the bar and learned grand plié as a seven year-old g irl, I immediately have been in love with dance.
or...
Ever since On the day I first grabbed the bar and learned grand plié as a seven year-old girl, I immediately fell in love with dance.
Sometimes details can weaken the writing:
On the day I first grabbed the bar and learned grand plié as a seven years old, girl I immediately fell in love with dance.
Trim away unnecessary words like weeding a garden.
Through the unexpected, challenging set back, I have learned a lesson- I should never be afraid of change or opportunity though it might be difficult to break the old pattern of life.---- this part is excellent. Write a sentence about this in the last sentence of your first paragraph. That way, the whole story will be all about this concept as the reader is reading.
:-)
