Some background information:
I think I dislike my essay even more every time I keep reading it, and it's making me hesitant to submit my application. Recently, my dad pointed out that he thought it was pretty off-topic, and now I think it may be off-topic too. I don't need any grammatical advice, although I would grateful if you did provide any, but I'm mostly just asking for a quick scan-through (its 199 words) and tell me if you think it's on-topic or off-topic. Thank you!
The prompt:
In his 2005 inaugural address, Rev. John I. Jenkins, C.S.C., president of the University of Notre Dame, challenged our community: "we at Notre Dame must have the courage to be who we are. If we are afraid to be different from the world, how can we make a difference in the world?" When you leave Notre Dame, what is one way you will bravely face the world, stay true to your values, and make a difference large or small?
My essay:
Many doctors become jaded as the years pass, losing sight of their own goals and dreams as they become mired in the medical field. Perhaps their own personal life becomes conflicted with their job, with both sides clamoring for time but the doctor having no time to give. The doctor strives to provide the best medical care he can give, using up personal time to treat them and help them, listening to their every need. But then those doctors become increasingly frustrated, their inability to balance the two spheres of their lives interfering with the quality of both. Eventually, their frustrated is manifested as outward anger toward the patients and toward the people around them, lowering their quality of care and making them unable to pursue their personal interests without quitting their jobs.
When I face the world, I will stay true to my values and continue to make sure that I do make a difference. I will have to recognize that I have limits, that I can't possibly be a "miracle worker" all of the time. I will learn to balanced my personal duties and my duties as a doctor, and I will always continue to help people.
I think I dislike my essay even more every time I keep reading it, and it's making me hesitant to submit my application. Recently, my dad pointed out that he thought it was pretty off-topic, and now I think it may be off-topic too. I don't need any grammatical advice, although I would grateful if you did provide any, but I'm mostly just asking for a quick scan-through (its 199 words) and tell me if you think it's on-topic or off-topic. Thank you!
The prompt:
In his 2005 inaugural address, Rev. John I. Jenkins, C.S.C., president of the University of Notre Dame, challenged our community: "we at Notre Dame must have the courage to be who we are. If we are afraid to be different from the world, how can we make a difference in the world?" When you leave Notre Dame, what is one way you will bravely face the world, stay true to your values, and make a difference large or small?
My essay:
Many doctors become jaded as the years pass, losing sight of their own goals and dreams as they become mired in the medical field. Perhaps their own personal life becomes conflicted with their job, with both sides clamoring for time but the doctor having no time to give. The doctor strives to provide the best medical care he can give, using up personal time to treat them and help them, listening to their every need. But then those doctors become increasingly frustrated, their inability to balance the two spheres of their lives interfering with the quality of both. Eventually, their frustrated is manifested as outward anger toward the patients and toward the people around them, lowering their quality of care and making them unable to pursue their personal interests without quitting their jobs.
When I face the world, I will stay true to my values and continue to make sure that I do make a difference. I will have to recognize that I have limits, that I can't possibly be a "miracle worker" all of the time. I will learn to balanced my personal duties and my duties as a doctor, and I will always continue to help people.
