Misconceptions: the best way to fight them is to prevent them from being formed in the first place.

Hi everyone. Here's my essay in response to "In approximately 250 words, tell us about the most personally significant contribution you have made to a community"

It's about 100 words over right now, so I'd appreciate some advice on compacting it. Also, do you think I answered the prompt sufficiently?

---Misconceptions: the best way to fight them is to prevent them from being formed in the first place. There are misconceptions that the students of a science and technology school are only interested in science and technology. There are misconceptions that business is an egocentric industry. As Communications Head of the student-run organization Fashion for A Cause, I have tried to prevent these misconceptions from being formed.

---The goal of Fashion for A Cause is twofold: to bring a love of art to a science-oriented school and to raise funds for medical organizations through an annual fashion show. Although I consider myself a "geek" due to my passion for biology and psychology, I also harbor a deep love for the arts - especially fashion. To me, fashion is an outlet for innovation and imagination, just as science is. As an FAC liaison within school, I have both encouraged students not previously interested in the arts to explore their artistic side and recruited artistically minded students to use their talents to benefit others. Through creating garments and designing sets, students came to understand that a love of science and of art stem from the same principles, and that the two can coexist. As an FAC liaison outside my school, I have contacted business owners and news stations to raise awareness about how students are defying the "geek" stereotype while giving back to the community.

---In addition, the most profound contribution that I have made was in raising four thousand dollars with FAC for the Pediatric Cancer Foundation and St. Jude Children's Hospital. As a member of the communications committee and then as head, I devoted many hours to forming partnerships with local businesses, boutiques, and restaurants to solicit donations of clothing and refreshments that were essential to the show. The support and generosity of designers like Sarah McClintock, retailers like Nordstrom, and restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory provided the wind under the wings of our small club.

---Ultimately, everyone involved with or exposed to the show recognized the benefits of inhibiting and overcoming misconceptions. The success of FAC serves as a prime example of the reciprocal relationship between the arts and the sciences.

I would replace the word geek...in a way that's contributing to a misconception about science students, don't you think?

To compact it, I think you can combine the second and third paragraph:
The goal of Fashion for A Cause is twofold: to bring a love of art to a science-oriented school and to raise funds for medical organizations through an annual fashion show. Although I consider myself a "geek" due to my passion for biology and psychology, I also harbor a deep love for the arts - especially fashion. To me, fashion is an outlet for innovation and imagination, just as science is. As an FAC liaison within school, I have both encouraged students not previously interested in the arts to explore their artistic side and recruited artistically minded students to use their talents to benefit others. Through creating garments and designing sets, students came to understand that a love of science and of art coexist through the same principles . As an FAC liaison outside my school, I have contacted business owners and news stations to raise awareness about how students are defying the "geek" stereotype while giving back to the community.---In addition, the most profound contribution that I have made was in raising four thousand dollars with FAC for the Pediatric Cancer Foundation and St. Jude Children's Hospital. As a member of the communications committee and then as head,(previously mentioned) I devoted many hours to forming partnerships with local businesses, boutiques, and restaurants to solicit donations of clothing and refreshments that provided the wind under the wings of our small club. The support and generosity of designers like Sarah McClintock, retailers like Nordstrom, and restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory .(you previously mentioned businesses, etc.)

Overall, your essay is very well written. Hope I helped, and good luck :)

Thanks a lot! I loved the way you worded this: "coexist through the same principles. "
True, the geek thing does sort of counteract my point...I put it in " ", but does that help at all? I'm stuck as to what other words to use.

I think "geek" is okay the way you use it. I think you should begn this way:

Although I consider myself a "geek" due to my passion for biology and psychology, I also harbor a deep love for the arts - especially fashion. To me, fashion is an outlet for innovation and imagination, just as science is. Therefore, I got involved with Fashion for A Cause (FAC). The goal of FAC is twofold: to bring a love of art to a science-oriented school and to raise funds for medical organizations through an annual fashion show. As an FAC liaison...

Kevin - Thanks, that gave me quite a bit to think about. If I organize it like you suggested, how do you think I could work in the bit about misconceptions?

Well, the essay is not really about misconceptions. Your point about misconceptions will be most impressive if you mention it in passing, without making too big a deal about it. It is a good point, but good points have the most impact when we make them casually, with excellent timing. :-)