I desperately need your kind help! Feel free to critique!
i'm tired so i must be have alot of grammars and weird sentence structures
Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
At 6p.m., the street is filled with traffic coming back from work. The sun becomes dark and soon the aroma of food floats in the air. From houses and stores, we easily grab what we want to eat as much as we want. To me, food meant just a tool to please my tongue before I mission-tripped to the other side of the Earth, Cambodia, where the fortune of abundance slid by.
The day started before the other team members. Since I was a co-leader of team, I had to wake up in every early morning to pray and discuss about daily tasks with the other team leaders and teachers. Being a leader required many patience and wisdom. When one of my members made a problem, I was the one who had to take the responsibility, representing all the misbehaviors of my team. Leading a team was demanding but also was worthwhile with invaluable lessons I learned from the experience.
The sand storm swirled out from the ground and houses were poorly built by couple of lumbers and leaves. This Cambodian village was where people in poverty lived at and I went in to the village for the first time with my missionary team. We were holding tens of bags carrying breads, costumes and Korean tambourines. We planned to show them a Korean choreography to interchange our culture and also planned to give out bread to the kids. Our plans seemed going through smoothly and our months of practice were fruitful. I enjoyed times meeting Cambodians despite of the thick language barrier.
I was standing in the middle of the village, giving out bread to kids with my team. We were surrounded by noise yelling and fighting to get bread. Meanwhile, we noticed that same kids were coming back for multiple times. I told to a teacher about kids coming back, concerning if bread would run out for the other kids. The teacher smiled and said bread was enough so let them to get more bread. Instantly, I realized that the kids carried breads to their families to share with. I had to form a broader perspective to lead my team and myself to our common goal; to help people. When I went back, the same kids were still coming back. This time, I gave them bread with cheerfully smiling.
Even though it was ordinary bread that we could easily find around, the bread was vital source to live to the Cambodians. When I cognized their conditions through a deeper and wider perspective, the bread of maturity and wisdom fed my hungry self.
i'm tired so i must be have alot of grammars and weird sentence structures
Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
At 6p.m., the street is filled with traffic coming back from work. The sun becomes dark and soon the aroma of food floats in the air. From houses and stores, we easily grab what we want to eat as much as we want. To me, food meant just a tool to please my tongue before I mission-tripped to the other side of the Earth, Cambodia, where the fortune of abundance slid by.
The day started before the other team members. Since I was a co-leader of team, I had to wake up in every early morning to pray and discuss about daily tasks with the other team leaders and teachers. Being a leader required many patience and wisdom. When one of my members made a problem, I was the one who had to take the responsibility, representing all the misbehaviors of my team. Leading a team was demanding but also was worthwhile with invaluable lessons I learned from the experience.
The sand storm swirled out from the ground and houses were poorly built by couple of lumbers and leaves. This Cambodian village was where people in poverty lived at and I went in to the village for the first time with my missionary team. We were holding tens of bags carrying breads, costumes and Korean tambourines. We planned to show them a Korean choreography to interchange our culture and also planned to give out bread to the kids. Our plans seemed going through smoothly and our months of practice were fruitful. I enjoyed times meeting Cambodians despite of the thick language barrier.
I was standing in the middle of the village, giving out bread to kids with my team. We were surrounded by noise yelling and fighting to get bread. Meanwhile, we noticed that same kids were coming back for multiple times. I told to a teacher about kids coming back, concerning if bread would run out for the other kids. The teacher smiled and said bread was enough so let them to get more bread. Instantly, I realized that the kids carried breads to their families to share with. I had to form a broader perspective to lead my team and myself to our common goal; to help people. When I went back, the same kids were still coming back. This time, I gave them bread with cheerfully smiling.
Even though it was ordinary bread that we could easily find around, the bread was vital source to live to the Cambodians. When I cognized their conditions through a deeper and wider perspective, the bread of maturity and wisdom fed my hungry self.
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