The sun was shining, rays beaming on the back of my neck. I counted seven clouds in the bright, blue sky. The wind was blowing slightly, just enough to chill the sweat on my forehead. It was perfect weather for running. As I jogged around the course, warming up for the big race, my only superior, Terri, and I discussed plans for defeating everyone else in the race. "Semi Charmed Life" played on my iPod, its catchy beat setting my pace for a prelude to victory.
All the girl participants in the race walked to the starting line, nerves taking control of our bodies at this point. We all tried to shake the tenseness out of our arms and legs and to loosen our muscles up one last time. I didn't pay any much attention to how everyone else was preparing. Second best just wasn't good enough for me anymore and I was focused on being the first person to beat Terri in a race. The starter walked up, gun in hand, warning us that we would be starting very soon. We all set our feet on the line and mentally prepared ourselves for the start. I looked to my left. Smiling, I said, "Terri, this is our last race. Are you ready for this?" She looked over at me but didn't respond. Realizing that she didn't want to talk, I said "Well, good luck to you!" She turned her head away and, under her breath, said "Thanks."
"On your mark." It got deathly silent. He held the gun up. I swallowed, the taste of fruit punch flavored Gatorade still in my mouth. "Get set." I took one last deep breath. He fired the gun into the air. We all took off down the hill. Some of the girls charged, but I knew they would die after a few minutes. I strided down the hill, keeping Terri in my near sight. I had passed up all the girls that either started off too slow or too fast. Already, by the quarter mile, Terri and I were the front two runners. I caught up to her and ran by her side. I adjusted to her pace until I made it my own. My pace kept gradually getting faster and faster. Terri tried as hard as she could to keep up. The song played over and over in my head. We passed the first mile marker, faster than we had ever run before. I decided it was my time to step up and push ahead. I picked up my feet just a tiny bit more, worked my arms, and pushed forward. "Missy!" Exhale. "What. Do you. Think you're. Doing?" Inhale, exhale. "You're gonna die!" I didn't even bother to look behind me, much less reply to her. I didn't want to waste one breath. Keep on smiling, what we go through. I dashed through the trail, dodging the roots sticking up out of the ground. Looking at trees kept me distracted from all the pain in my legs. Finally, I reached the mile and a half mark. The people all cheered as I was the first one to reach that point. Ovation, She's got her own motivation.
I tried harder, only one mile to go. Trees came and went. My feet went faster than the song stuck in my head. I charged up hills and let gravity glide me down them. The only noise I could hear now was the sound of my spikes hitting the dirt and my own breathing. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Nobody else was around me, and it felt great. I had never been so tired before, and it was so hard not to just stop where I was and collapse into the soil. I pushed on. Only half a mile to go. I began to speed up, building up my kick for the end. I turned the last corner, approaching the steepest hill of the course. People lined up along the side of the hill, cheering, and at the top sat the finish line. I sprinted as fast as I could up the hill, trying to get this over with. Finally, I reached the top and sped through the finish line. My fellow male teammates hollered and congratulated me as I stumbled through the chute, trying to regain my breath. I walked around to watch the other girls arrive at the finish line. A good forty-five seconds passed before Terri completed the race. I ran over to her to congratulate her on second place. "Good job, Terri! You did so good!" She rejected my hug and rolled her eyes at me. I watched her walk away. The runners came in, one by one.
Once everyone had finished the race, the boys began their race. Soon after all the boys finished their race, the award ceremony began. Medals went to the top seven runners in each of the races. Starting from seven and working his way up, the announcer called out the names of those receiving medals. "And in second place, from Clinton High School, Terri Jackson." Everyone clapped and cheered. A rush of excitement came over me because I knew I would be called next to get my medal. "And, finally, our District Champion this year, from Clinton High School, Missy Null." Everyone cheered and clapped again. Not only was I the first person to ever beat Terri, but I also set the record for the fastest time to complete the course. I will always have my first place medal to remember this day. She's living, she's golden. All of my practicing had finally paid off. That day, I understood the meaning of "practice makes perfect." If you work really hard at something, you can achieve most anything you want.
*Thinks* I like your essay~ it was very fun reading it! It really made me empathize with the challenge and your determination to surpass it. However, I have a slight concern whether this really told me a lot about you. What makes you special? You are probably an excellent runner with lots of determination and a calm demeanor, but is that really you?
Put it this way, if you were putting a bio about yourself with 3 words on it. What will be those 3, will it be runner, determined, and calm, or will it be something else? I have a slight feeling that you are more than just those 3 words. But I couldn't get it from your essay, or it dint come out that well. Try thinking about it, is this side the one you want to show?
If it is, then I think you did an excellent job, but if not, keep thinking, and make another one of your incredibly lively essays for us :)
Great Job and Good luck! ^_^
Melissa. WOW. You have a good story on hand and really good writing sense. But this is not as good as Katrina.
Reason1: That essay, you wrote on how Katrina affect you, your work, your feelings and there was so much you with Katrina that made the essay unique. This is less of you. Can't make more of your character apart from hard working and focused and all that. Katrina, we saw all sides to you...the weak and strong. As, Wan suggests you need to add another para... I agree with the idea but let's make it different. Throughout the essay, throw some sentences that would add the flavor and link the essay to you. Try that it doesn't get just a monotonous race.
Reason2: Your statement to Tessi after the race was not bad but something that's nagging me. It just seems a little negative in a way, I find difficult to explain. You are not negative but something is wrong with that sentence.... Try tweaking it.
I think you have it in you bring something extra ordinary. You did it once with Katrina and you can do it again. Bring in the sweat, toil, dirt, injuries or anything to make it spicy and inspiring essay.
Cheers... :)
ps: please, if time review my essay also. thanks
