Hoping for some help with critiquing this essay. I have some opinions that it is good, and others that suggest to scrap this completely, so any help is appreciated.
Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs,school,community,city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)
Even early on it had always seemed predetermined that the duration of my life would be spent in mathematics. I was always placed ahead in math, completing the highest level of mathematics that my school offered, AP Calculus, in my freshman year. I was then able to further my education at Wesleyan University. From sophomore year on, I began taking a course a semester at the college, starting with Multivariable Calculus. It seemed only natural that I continued taking courses in mathematics. However, I realized in taking that course that perhaps delving deeper into pure mathematics was not what I wanted to do. There was always a certain level of surprise or astonishment when I explained this to people, who questioned how I could come to dislike something that was my strong point. However, there was nothing forcing me to continue, so I decided to experiment with other subjects, in an attempt to find something else that interested me. The next semesters were spent at Wesleyan in classes of different fields like computer science and chemistry. Within school as well, I branched out. Rather than focusing solely on the Math Team, I began investing more time in clubs related to new topics like international culture and environmental science. Each of these new endeavors brought me new perspective and helped shape my aspirations. Though mathematics still interest me, the opportunities presented to me in my schooling allowed me to diversify my interests and helped broaden my horizons and shape my aspirations.
"ven early on it had always seemed predetermined that the duration of my life would be spent in mathematics. I was always placed ahead in math, completing the highest level of mathematics that my school offered, AP Calculus, in my freshman year. I was then able to further my education at Wesleyan University. From sophomore year on, I began taking a course a semester at the college, starting with Multivariable Calculus. It seemed only natural that I continued taking courses in mathematics."
you should shorten that first part b/c it doesn't really get to "the good part" until after that. and you should expand on the ending:
"Each of these new endeavors brought me new perspective and helped shape my aspirations." <-- write more about how these endeavors brought you new perspective and so on.
i don't think you should scratch the whole idea though. i think it's a good essay. just needs some adjustment.
hope this helps =)
