We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)
I stare wildly at my Rubik's cube, trying to figure out the best way to finish the solve. After a whirl of frenzied twisting, I drop the cube and slam my hands down to stop the timer. My eyes wander up, seeking out my time. Suddenly I see 12.00 - a personal best.
My Rubik's cube has been an almost constant companion of mine since 9th grade. I like the challenge and satisfaction of figuring out solutions by myself, or barring that, the fun of collaboration. I love, too, the thrill of competition; trying to beat my friends, and more importantly, myself.
Jeez 100 words is short.
Hey nkprasad12!
I think it's a great essay. Yeah I had a lot of trouble doing essays as short as 100 words. Good thing i didn't sign up for MIT ^^
but overall, I think it's great. The first few sentences makes this really fun to read. I don't know if you hit the world limit or not, but I don't think it needs any grading. couldnt' find any grammar errors besides the time. should it be a colon instead of a period? unless you wanna put 12.00s. yeah thats it
Yeah. Good job!
=)
Hello,
Because this is such a short essay it has to be perfect. This essay would cast doubts as to your command/usage of vocabulary. For instance you write, "trying to figure out the best way to finish the solve." that sounds very awkward. It would be much better if you you were trying to figure out how to solve the puzzle etc.. Also you write "Suddenly I see 12:00..." How is it suddenly? The time was there along as soon as you hit the timer. You yourself said that your eyes started wandering up - I am guessing in anticipation to view your time to see if you had beaten your record? Suddenly usually means without some sort of expectation...You have to be very careful with your word choices...-AAO
Hope This Helps
Thanks for the advice - I'll try to revise my sentences. My problem is that I kept taking things off to try to get under the word limit and I guess that removed some semantically/grammatically necessary things.
I stare wildly at my Rubik's cube, trying to figure out how to best solve the puzzle. After a whirl of frenzied twisting, I drop the cube and slam my hands down to stop the timer. My eyes wander up, seeking out my time. I see 12.00 (seconds) - a personal best!
My Rubik's cube has been my constant companion since 9th grade. I like the challenge and satisfaction of figuring out solutions by myself and sharing and learning with others. I love, too, the thrill of competition; trying to beat my friends - and more importantly, myself.
How is this?
In my opinion it is strong, particularly the last part tells a lot about yourself and is powerful.
If you could find an effective way to combine these parts, it could get outstanding.
Other than that I have no suggestions.
Mind to have a look at my diversity essay?
All the problems that I saw in your first draft were solved in the second draft. If anything, I would rework the last sentence. It is grammatically correct but it just sounds a bit awkward because of all that punctuation (commas, semi-colon, dash)-there are too many pauses in that sentence. I feel that's just nit-picking though. I think it is a great essay!
seeking out mythe time.
I see 12.00 take out parentheses (seconds)
I love, too, the thrill of competition , trying to beat my friends and more importantly, myself.
Personally, I think you did a really good job about summing it up in 100 words. This not only shows your talent of solving the rubix cube but this also gives off a sense of your brilliance. I'm also applying to MIT and I have no idea how I'm going to answer this question in less than 100 words :/
I stare wildly at my Rubik's cube, trying to figure out how to best solve the puzzle. After a whirl of frenzied twisting, I drop the cube and slam my hands down to stop the timer. My eyes wander up, seeking out the time - 12.00 seconds, a personal best!
My Rubik's cube has been my constant companion since 9th grade. I like the challenge and satisfaction of figuring out solutions by myself and sharing and learning with others. I love too the thrill of competition, trying to beat my friends and more importantly myself.
Any last grammatical things?
