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MIT "My World" Essay - World at War



debater514 6 / 17  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
Prompt: Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations? (200-250 words)

Feel free to tear it up.

To describe the world I am from is to describe a world of war. My country, quickly running out of countries to have wars with, is now at war with a concept. The people of my community are fighting a war against the big corporations. The battle against delinquent students is constantly being fought in my school. With the main employer being a defense contractor for the government, our town lives off the profits of war. I, of course, am fighting the war against myself, with all of the inner conflict that comes with being a teenager. In this world, everything revolves around war, to the point where war is the desired outcome.

Where some kids dream being quarterback for the New England Patriots, or becoming a Grammy Award winning artist, I hope to become someone who can influence a dramatic policy shift from offensive to defense capabilities. While others dream of finding the cure for cancer, and even becoming multi-billionaires, I aspire to rise up through the ranks of the Office of Science and Technology Policy. This is a direct result of the world I am from. While this career track is also influenced by my loves of engineering and public policy, this is the place where the chain reaction can be triggered. Instead of preparing for, and desiring war, it can be prevented and even put outside the realm of possibility. And that, that simple idea, is thing I desire above all else.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 26, 2011   #2
The structure of that first sentence is sort of cliche. I would like it this way:
I am from is to describe a world of war. ---that is a cool sentence. M (name of country), quickly running out of ...

Instead of preparing for, and desiring war, it can be prevented and even put we can put war outside the realm of possibility. And that, that simple idea, is thing I desire above all else.

And that, that simple idea, is thing And simple idea represents what I desire above all else.

I like your idea! Maybe I was wrong to suggest you name the country (above). It is really interesting without naming it, and the reader has that info anyway. Great job!


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