So here's my dilemma...my essay is about 650 words which is a good way over the word limit. Can anyone give me some feedback and suggestions on what to cut/change?
Appreciate it.
Essay 1 Please respond to one of the following questions in an essay of no more than 500 words:
A. It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are?
Well, I'm not very good at introductions, but I suppose I'll tell you a little about myself. I'm quite spontaneous and I tend to like doing whatever is on my mind at the moment, so please don't be alarmed if you catch me getting ice-cream two in the morning. I'm a big music fan, I have posters of Linkin Park to T-shirts of Nirvana. I listen to a lot of punk, rock, and metal; as long as it has a satisfactory guitar solo I'm content. Aside from music, I'm also a film camera enthusiast and I've spent a lot of my free afternoons doing art.
There's one other thing that I hope you won't mind; I play guitar everyday. It's not forced nor am I an aspiring musician, it's just that if I miss a day, I'd get the itch to play the next day. I first picked up guitar at the end of 6th grade, half in rebellion against my parents and half in admiration to System of a Down's new hit single, Hypnotized. Ever since, it's been a part of my life. At first it was very energetic. Energetic perhaps is not the best description; it was more like aggressive.
When I first entered adolescence, I felt the need to fit in, but having lived in China for 10 years, my English was poor, so as a result I was uncomfortable with my heritage. I didn't feel like speaking Chinese or celebrating Chinese traditions. I was unhappy with my family because they didn't celebrate Christmas with proper dinners or take me for egg hunts on easter. So when I turned all of my attention to playing guitar, it became the outlet of all the frustration and bitterness that I had suppressed inside. I spent hours in my closed room playing, and it provided me a sanctuary. In the wailing tunes of Guns n' Roses and the heavy drums of Bon Jovi, I purged all my negative emotions that has trapped and blinded me from thinking clearly. In many ways, playing guitar has helped me avoid many arguments and breakdowns. Whenever I felt like giving up, it was there to help me keep holding on and persisting toward my goal.
As I made the transition from middle school to high school, my anger has subsided as I won more freedom from my parents and I begin to see things in a different perspective. One time in history class, we were learning Ancient Asian civilizations. I mentioned my familiarity of Chinese history and the whole class seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say about my experience living in China. It made me appreciate the unique chance of seeing different cultures. I begin to accept my heritage and embrace it as a part of me. In my junior year, I took up Chinese, and at the same time, I learned to open up to my parents. Whenever we had a disagreement, instead of shutting down, I tried to explain my feelings and opinions to them. In return, they listened with patience. Trust developed between us and our relationship grew stronger.
Around that time, I put down my electric guitar and grabbed an acoustic. I dropped my pick and settled for a gentle fingerpicking style. My music developed with me and has long been my habitual counsel.
Even though I still sport my studded leather jacket and heavy eyeliner wherever I go, it is merely a statement of confidence. I'm not worried about molding myself to fit in anymore and I'm comfortable with how I look. So don't worry, I'll spare you the head-banging and the stereotypical rude punk persona. While I have my quiet moments, I'm quite sociable. I can't wait to spend my first year of college with you.
Appreciate it.
Essay 1 Please respond to one of the following questions in an essay of no more than 500 words:
A. It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are?
Well, I'm not very good at introductions, but I suppose I'll tell you a little about myself. I'm quite spontaneous and I tend to like doing whatever is on my mind at the moment, so please don't be alarmed if you catch me getting ice-cream two in the morning. I'm a big music fan, I have posters of Linkin Park to T-shirts of Nirvana. I listen to a lot of punk, rock, and metal; as long as it has a satisfactory guitar solo I'm content. Aside from music, I'm also a film camera enthusiast and I've spent a lot of my free afternoons doing art.
There's one other thing that I hope you won't mind; I play guitar everyday. It's not forced nor am I an aspiring musician, it's just that if I miss a day, I'd get the itch to play the next day. I first picked up guitar at the end of 6th grade, half in rebellion against my parents and half in admiration to System of a Down's new hit single, Hypnotized. Ever since, it's been a part of my life. At first it was very energetic. Energetic perhaps is not the best description; it was more like aggressive.
When I first entered adolescence, I felt the need to fit in, but having lived in China for 10 years, my English was poor, so as a result I was uncomfortable with my heritage. I didn't feel like speaking Chinese or celebrating Chinese traditions. I was unhappy with my family because they didn't celebrate Christmas with proper dinners or take me for egg hunts on easter. So when I turned all of my attention to playing guitar, it became the outlet of all the frustration and bitterness that I had suppressed inside. I spent hours in my closed room playing, and it provided me a sanctuary. In the wailing tunes of Guns n' Roses and the heavy drums of Bon Jovi, I purged all my negative emotions that has trapped and blinded me from thinking clearly. In many ways, playing guitar has helped me avoid many arguments and breakdowns. Whenever I felt like giving up, it was there to help me keep holding on and persisting toward my goal.
As I made the transition from middle school to high school, my anger has subsided as I won more freedom from my parents and I begin to see things in a different perspective. One time in history class, we were learning Ancient Asian civilizations. I mentioned my familiarity of Chinese history and the whole class seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say about my experience living in China. It made me appreciate the unique chance of seeing different cultures. I begin to accept my heritage and embrace it as a part of me. In my junior year, I took up Chinese, and at the same time, I learned to open up to my parents. Whenever we had a disagreement, instead of shutting down, I tried to explain my feelings and opinions to them. In return, they listened with patience. Trust developed between us and our relationship grew stronger.
Around that time, I put down my electric guitar and grabbed an acoustic. I dropped my pick and settled for a gentle fingerpicking style. My music developed with me and has long been my habitual counsel.
Even though I still sport my studded leather jacket and heavy eyeliner wherever I go, it is merely a statement of confidence. I'm not worried about molding myself to fit in anymore and I'm comfortable with how I look. So don't worry, I'll spare you the head-banging and the stereotypical rude punk persona. While I have my quiet moments, I'm quite sociable. I can't wait to spend my first year of college with you.