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'molecular and computational biology - academic interests USC short response


uscuscusc 9 / 27 2  
Nov 24, 2012   #1
Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- (biological sciences) and second-choice (human biology) major selections.

Post sophomore year, I attended a summer science program called REVS-UP sponsored by California State University of Bakersfield(CSUB), which was a research experience vitalizing STEM program. The program enlightened my mind and sparked my passion for Biology. When I attend USC, I plan to major in Biological Sciences or Human Biology at the College of Letters, Arts and Sciences. I plan to pursue a degree in Biological Sciences to later attend USC's Keck School of Medicine. I decided to major in Biological Sciences because it has three specialties, of those three I plan to choose an emphasis in molecular and computational biology. If not Biological Sciences, then I plan to pursue a degree in Human Biology. By taking Human Biology I will be able to focus more on the human organism, which will be of great help since I will become a pediatrician. In August, 2013 I will fulfill my dream and attend the University of Southern California.

bellem1 6 / 12 2  
Nov 24, 2012   #2
Overall this is a strong response. However, I would advise that you don't use phrases that make it sound like you have already been accepted, which I'm assuming you haven't. Confidence is good, but you don't want to sound arrogant.

When I attend USC, I plan to major in Biological Sciences or Human Biology at the College of Letters, Arts and Sciences.

Maybe say "If I am admitted to USC, I plan to major in..."

I plan to pursue a degree in Biological Sciences to later attend USC's Keck School of Medicine. I decided to major in Biological Sciences because it has three specialties, of those three I plan to choose an emphasis in molecular and computational biology.

As it is now, this part of your essay is a little awkwardly worded. I think you should start by saying that you hope to eventually attend USC's Keck School of Medicine, and then go on to say that this is one of the reasons that you would like to major in Biological Sciences. Then you could say that another reason is that it has three specialities, of which you would choose molecular and computational biology.

By taking Human Biology I will be able to focus more on the human organism, which will be of great help since I will become a pediatrician.

Again with sounding a bit full of yourself. I think you should say something like "Taking Human Biology will allow me to focus on the human organism, which will help me achieve my goal of becoming a pediatrician.
rayray 1 / 5  
Nov 24, 2012   #3
Adding on to what bellem1 said, you should eliminate that last sentence because it is not guranteed that you will get in.
Also,
I decided to major in Biological Sciences because it has three specialties, of those three I plan to choose an emphasis in molecular and computational biology.

is a run-on sentence.

Good luck! Hope you can help with my essays!
RawrJjong 2 / 4 1  
Nov 24, 2012   #4
It's a strong response; you tell USC exactly what you want to go into.

But I've been strung on the "I decided to major in Biological Sciences because it has three specialties, of those three I plan to choose an emphasis in molecular and computational biology" sentence. I think it might be better if you just say that you plan to emphasize molecular and computational biology in the specialized Biological Sciences(?). Right now, the sentence seems kind of awkward.

Good luck :D
OP uscuscusc 9 / 27 2  
Nov 24, 2012   #5
bellem1
rayray
RawrJjong
Here's the edited version:
Post sophomore year, I attended a summer science program called REVS-UP sponsored by California State University of Bakersfield(CSUB), which was a research experience vitalizing STEM program. The program enlightened my mind and sparked my passion for Biology. If I am admitted to USC, I plan to major in Biological Sciences or Human Biology at the College of Letters, Arts and Sciences. In the future I plan to later attend USC's Keck School of Medicine. In order to reach that goal, I decided to choose an emphasis in molecular and computational biology, in the Biological Sciences major. If not Biological Sciences, then I plan to pursue a degree in Human Biology. By taking Human Biology I will be able to focus more on the human organism, which will help me achieve my goal of becoming a pediatrician. It is evident that being admitted to USC will help me pursue my academic interests and achieve my goals.
undidiamaka 4 / 9  
Nov 24, 2012   #6
your essay was good, but you should more phases it would make it sound more better.
chow95 - / 24 1  
Nov 25, 2012   #7
You should use more vocabulary.
chow95 - / 24 1  
Nov 25, 2012   #8
It is evident that being admitted to USC will help me pursue my academic interests and achieve my goals.
You should use I think instead. It is evident makes it sound like you are talking down on the reader.

If you could look at my essay, I would appreciate it!


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