I'm not done yet . It needs tob a 250 word essay , Am I going in the right direction?
Though there are many people who influenced my values in my life, I believe there is one person who showed me a lot more than the rest and this lovely lady is my Mom. My mom has taught me to strive for whatever it is that I want, but with wanting something comes a price. She has showed me that if I want to succeed in anything the I will have to put my all into it and put in the extra time to make sure it is being done to its fullest extent. Another important value she has taught me is that if you are going to start something then you will Have to finish it,. This value plays a big part in my life and motivates me with my tasks. It is what helped me stay in football my junior year, and made it so I could continue playing up until now, my senior year.
brandon
Though there are many people who influenced my values in my life, I believe there is one person who showed me a lot more than the rest and this lovely lady is my Mom.
- I think you should use a different adjective instead of lovely, because what influenced you isn't her loveliness. ;) -
My mom has taught me to strive for whatever it is that I want, but with wanting something comes a price. She has showed me that if I want to succeed in anything the I will have to put my all into it and put in the extra time to make sure it is being done to its fullest extent. Another important value she has taught me is that if you are going to start something then you have to finish it(,) lose the comma.
This ((trait)) plays a big part in my life and motivates me ((to complete my)) tasks. It is what helped me stay in football my junior year, and ((pushed me to)) continue playing until now, my senior year.
I don't really no.. I think it's ok. Although you should perhaps focus more on the HOW. How did your mom influence you? Try to make it clear to the addmissions what your mother did to bring you up to be a special person..
Other than the trite "lovely lady," you've not described your mother at all. The essay is all about you and what you learned from your mother. If the essay is supposed to be about the influential person, you have to write about your mother herself. If she has been such a positive influence, use this as an opportunity to focus your attention on who she is other than just your mother.
Though there are many people who influenced my values in my life, I believe there is one person who showed me a lot more than the rest and this lovely lady is my Mom.
^
It is quite unnecessarily verbose. You can reduce it, and get straight to the point. Naturally, there are many people who are influential. However, since you are only focusing on one, it is best to just focus on that one person, which in this case is your mother.
'The one person who has truly influenced my values in my life is my Mother'.
^Naturally, you can rephrase it so it can become a more powerful sentence. However, the point I am making is that perhaps the better approach would be to just get straight to the point, rather than distract the reader with unnecesary information that does not describe a setting or anything; 'though there are many...' is all quite superfluous.
My mom has taught me to strive for whatever it is that I want, but with wanting something comes a price. She has showedshown me that if I want to succeed in anything , the I will have to put my all (all? try and come up with a better vocab word to express yourself and what you feel you must put in) into it and put in the extra time to make sure it is being done to its fullest extent. (I personally think that this part could use some revision)
Another important valuethat she has taught me is that if you areI am going to start something then you will Have to finish it I have to complete it.
This value (I am not sure if it is a value as much as it is a lesson) plays a big part in my life and motivates me with my tasks. It is what helped me stay in football my junior year, and made it so I could continue playing up until now, my senior year. ] motivated me to continue football from my junior years right until my senior years.
You can perhaps discuss what you have learnt from your mother, and develop why these lessons are important to you. You can perhaps discuss your mother in more detail, perhaps add life to her character in your essay, which in turn can allow you to make her appear as powerful in your essay as you believe she is in real life.
I am planning on doing this essay myself. My approach is to describe the influence that the person has had on me in terms of my attitude and mental approach to situations.
I guess the advice on this essay topic can vary. It will be interesting to see what other people think. I have already noted Simone's advice :)
The essay is all about you and what you learned from your mother.
The essay isn't even particularly good in this regard, either. Your mom taught you dedication and perseverance! Wow!! Even overusing exclamation marks, I can't make that more interesting for you!!!
So, Simone is right -- you should write an original, moving piece that captures the essence of your mother, what makes her unique among women.