"my mom" - Personal Essay About A Significant Person in My Life

Hi.

I have tried to minimize my thoughts while hopefully satisfying the requirement of the prompt - describing the significance this one person has had. Any thoughts, comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

The person who has had a significant influence on my life is my mom. She is the person I confide in, supplies me with an extraordinary amount of emotional support and who I share an enthusiastic desire for learning with.

Without fear, I can disclose my everyday happenings with my mom. She listens and openly shares her personal experiences/failures with me. Through example, she has taught me to contemplate the outcome of my actions, and to understand that I own my decisions. She empathizes and accepts my lapses in good judgment, and disciplines in a non-critical way. She is a positive benefit to my individual growth.

I am a child of divorce, and saw my father regularly until Christmas Eve 2005. That evening I witnessed my father fail a DUI test, and subsequently be arrested. Even though the evening could have ended horribly different, my mom never prevented me from seeing him. Her unconditional love and support allowed me to deal with what happened and helped me handle my emotions appropriately.

I want to be a teacher. My mom was an elementary school teacher, and that makes her an ideal role model. The value of sharing my education with others will allow me to accomplish a lifetime of personal rewards. My mom's passion for learning and career familiarity are a tremendous asset to me.

Many people touch our lives everyday but there is always that one person who affects us more than the rest. For me, that person is my mom and I am proud to be her daughter. She is my sounding board, my security blanket and my learning partner. She is my rock and as I venture out into this new chapter of my life I take with me her sense of life, love and learning.

Hi Rebecca,

I think you're off to a great start here. I would like to give you a few major things to think about with this Common App essay:

-'Show rather than tell': Can you frame this essay in one event or circumstance, to 'show' how your mother is significant in your life? You might even start with Paragraph 3 (where you mention divorce). Did your mother share any words that had specific resonance--or anything that you can impart to your reader that really crystallizes her influence on your life?

-Streamline: Because you have limited space here, you can avoid generic restatements of the prompt. Dive into the story, the core of your response--and use the very limited space to showcase your ability to write and reflect on your life experiences.

Also, Paragraphs 1 & 2 are somewhat diffuse--can you focus on a few key lessons rather than all the many lessons your mother has taught you?

-Dig deeper: I really value how you have put so much thought into this essay, and obviously truly care about your mother. However, I think you can push your analysis a little further. For exampe, did your mom retire from teaching--how was she 'always a teacher?' How is she a teacher both inside and outside the classroom? Do you think 'teacher' is synonymous with 'mother,' and how does she exemplify that?

What kind of teacher do you want to be--what kind of mentor for your students? I think if you 'dig deeper' here, you can better convey the full impact of your mother upon your life to date.

These short essays can be challenging to write, but you're off to a great start. I say--keep going!

Brooke
Ivy Eyes Editing