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'My mom wanted to be a doctor' / 'Challenge' - MIT essay



sunil1 1 / 4  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
World essay:(235 words)

The experiences and culture in which a person lived, impacts him a lot. Similarly my parents, my uncle and all the experiences I've gone through influenced me a lot.

My mom dreamt of being a doctor, but couldn't fulfill her dream as the financial factors resisted her to make it. She took pains on her shoulders to take care of dad and me. Of all the problems we had, my mom never refused to fulfill my wants. My parents ever encouraged me, even when the fees for standardized testing were in a high reach. My mom aspired me to seek what all I loved. In some financially toilsome days, mom relieved my hunger by spending her bedtime with empty stomach. Still she was happy because at least my tummy is filled.

My uncle supported me a lot. He provided me all the assistance I needed. He brought a loan with 5% of interest to make my AP test fees. He inspired me a lot by encouraging me in the adverse times. He aspired me to hold still even the conditions are adverse.

I have spent two years in my junior college (hostel).Other than teachers, principals and my friend there are two things that taught me lesson. They are 1) life 2)time. All the experiences I had showed me the value of time. And all the time I spent here tasted me the thrills of life.

Challenge essay:(297 words)

"Mom, we've got one week holidays and I need you here to pick me up", I said excitedly over the phone. "Sorry sunny, I can't come as I'm in hospital now" said my mom in a grim tone. "What !? What happened?" I asked in anxiety slowly faded my joy away. "It's dad. He had brain hemorrhage and I actually thought of calling you and uncle here because I need to get to work for the money and insurance covers" said my mom and call was cut. In a total dimness, I prayed principal's office for permission and rushed as fast I could to see my father in city hospital. It was ennui to watch my dearest father on a bed, with all the wires on him, weird instruments.

Days passed ruthlessly, my mom was busy working overtime after a minor revival of dad's health to meet the medical expenses. Before realizing the wild speed of days I spent, I was one and a half months away from my high school. It'd take half a month for my dad's recovery to a good extent and I was going on through a series of notices from my college. Finally, after two months, I was able to leave my dad to mom and attend college.

I taught myself all the chapters in subjects I've missed, through a regular and tough planning in 12 days to write my exams that would earn me a tuition fee waiver. All the teachers and my friend were amazed to my report as I stood 3rd in my class, thereby qualifying for tuition fee waiver.

This situation helped me to deal with life and reality, especially with the unexpected. This situation gave me a chance to serve me father as well as I could.

Please help me out! (I'm not good at English)

zaman 1 / 5  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
The experiences and culture in which a person lived impacts him a lot. Similarly, my parents, my uncle and all the experiences I've gone through influenced me a lot.

My mom dreamt of being a doctor, but couldn't fulfill her dream as financial factors prevented her from making it. She took pains on her shoulders to take care of dad and me. Despite all the problems we faced, my mom never refused to fulfill my wants. My parents always encouraged me, even when the fees for standardized testing were beyond reach. My mom aspired me to seek what all I loved. In some financially troublesome days, mom relieved my hunger by spending her nights with an empty stomach. Still, she was happy because at least my tummy is filled.

My uncle supported me a lot. He provided me with all the assistance I needed. He took a loan with 5% interest to pay my AP test fees. He inspired me a lot by encouraging me in adverse times. He aspired me to hold still even when the conditions were adverse.

I have spent two years in my junior college (hostel).Other than teachers, principals and my friends there are two things that taught me lessons. They are 1) life 2)time. All the experiences I had showed me the value of time. And all the time I spent here gave me a taste of the thrills of life.
OP sunil1 1 / 4  
Dec 30, 2011   #3
thanks but i need assistance for 2nd essay
plz help me out
OP sunil1 1 / 4  
Dec 30, 2011   #4
bump
plz help me out in my challenge essay
urgent!!!!
OP sunil1 1 / 4  
Dec 30, 2011   #5
please help me its urgent
deremifri 9 / 135  
Dec 30, 2011   #6
@sunil1
How do you think this works? You have to check out other people's essays so they will be glad to review yours.
However, my impression is:
You at times try to say philosophical things like "The experiences and culture in which a person lived, impacts him a lot".
This just sounds trite and does not have any depth. Why do you think they ask this question? They already know that it impacts you a lot.

The first one is supposed to tell how this environment has shaped you. You don't do that.
Regarding the second one:
You are supposed to talk about your challenge: however, you spent half the time talking about your father's condition.
Focus more on the process of getting better grades. Or if you want to keep your father in that essay, you can tell how you emotionally tried to come to terms with that.

My recommendation is: Revise the essays, upload them again, edit some other essays and have someone editing yours.

Hope this helps.
OP sunil1 1 / 4  
Dec 30, 2011   #7
@ deremifri
thanks for your help
what should I do with my World essay, I mean do I need to start a new essay?
or just modify the above essay
deremifri 9 / 135  
Dec 30, 2011   #8
I recommend you to start it anew. Maybe make a plan and concept first.


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