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'we Mongolians' Essay about my self and the background that shaped me



pushki 1 / 1  
Oct 11, 2013   #1
One of the most famous people on our earth is Genghis Khan whose admirable mentality as well as smart tactics were the reasons to control the half of the world during the 13th century. Genghis Khan's most intelligent wife was Anu Khatan, she was very strong and wise to the extent that she was commander of the war during the 13th century. Today, we Mongolians are descendants of Genghis Khan and Anu Khatan, and we have inherited many values and cultures. The year I was born in 1991 was the Mongolian Revolution period, where democracy started to take place in our government. Everyone was experiencing hardship of life during this period because there were nothing in the grocery store and the factories were shut down. My parents were young and naïve, and carrying an infant daughter to feed. My father was a wrestler of the Mongolian team; therefore, he had many connections and opportunities in the society. My parents have overcome this hardship of life and since they have become successful businessman and women. This is where I have been shaped to become the person I am today, that the adaptations skills, values of life, and my experiences in the United States.

As Mongolians, we have been living in nomadic life style for centuries. In other words Mongolians can adapt to different life and living situations. Mongolians move around with their "Ger'' (which is a circular tent that people live in) depending on the climate and the season. Mongolians tolerated to harsh weather and hard works. I have never seen a nomadic Mongolian who likes to complain on their life situation even it is an unusually hard situation. As Mongolian, I inherited these adaptation skills from the ancestors because I positively like to move around places and adjust into new situations and living styles. I moved to Singapore as an age of 15 all my self, where I have experienced tough times, that my host family was a big lesson for me. However, at the end of the day, the tough time has become my dearest friend of all time.

Imagine that you live in a harmonious big family and the place you live is a round "Ger''. Imagine that you will be friendly sharing everything in your home and you will be feeling great inside of you. Mongolians are not possessed by greed, in other words the idea of possession is not important as it is in other country. My parents always thought my siblings and I to be nice and share things with each other. Sometimes, they would even punish me for being self-centered and possessive. For this reasons, I have thought to be not possessed by greed since I was a child. However, I believe that we as human beings are born to be greedy and possessive, fortunately, we have the mental ability to control over these natures before they possess us.

admission2012 - / 475  
Oct 11, 2013   #2
Hello,

This essay has the elements to be a great one. However, in its current state, it is dead on arrival. You spend way to much time storytelling here. The reader needs to connect with you. Let us see exactly how your adaptations skills, values of life, and experiences in the United States (Your background) have helped shape the person you are today. Once you do this, this essay will be much stronger. -Admissions Advice Online

Hope this helps
OP pushki 1 / 1  
Oct 11, 2013   #3
Hi,

that is right, i felt like telling too much thing in this essay.

Thank you,


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