'My mother passed away, I'm more prepared for life' Washington - Saying Goodbye

Prompt: Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

Sophomore year, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I was shocked. I didn't know what I would do without her. My mom was always there for me. She helped me get the education I have, and she supported me in whatever I wanted to do. I was afraid of what would happen to my family, and even though I know it wasn't the right thing to do and it wouldn't be beneficial in the end, I became distracted from my studies and my grades began slipping. My mom had surgery and went through chemotherapy, and before my junior year began, the doctors said she was cancer free. My family was so relieved and I felt like such a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Life would go back to normal, or at least I thought.

The week after Thanksgiving of my junior year, my mom's tests and screenings showed that the cancer had come back. I was even more upset than the first time. The cancer had spread from her colon to her liver and lungs, and surgery was not an option. When my mom brought the news of her diagnosis home from the doctor, I started to realize that my mother probably wouldn't survive the cancer long-term. When they began chemo, and it wasn't working, reality set in even deeper. My mom would probably not be there to see me graduate college; see me get married; see her grandchildren. The woman I had always seen so clearly being a part of my future, now probably wouldn't be. I knew I was losing her, and as she got sicker and sicker, it ate away at me inside.

My mother had always been there for me. She was always so helpful and loving, and at times, I took it for granted. I wasn't always the kindest daughter to her, and there were so many things I wanted to fix. I knew I couldn't go back and change the things I had already done, but I could be the best daughter I could be, starting then. I made a promise to myself that I would be more caring and work harder in school and at home.

By the time I started my senior year, my mother had stopped chemotherapy and was put on hospice. My older half-siblings came to stay with us for a long time, and we began having visitors from all over. Her death grew more impending, and though I had kept my promise to myself, it was still a painful, stressful and confusing time. On November 11th, 2012, my mom passed away. I wasn't surprised; no one was. We had all been prepared and I'm actually glad that we knew it was coming. If her death had been sudden, we wouldn't have gotten to say goodbye, or I'm sorry, and we wouldn't have been able to cherish the precious last moments. Losing someone is a long and horrible process, but it's something we all go through at some time in our lives. I would be an incredibly different person without this experience, and I think I've grown more mature and learned a lot of things because of it. I guess the best way I can describe it is that you should treat people like you could lose them at any moment, because you could. I am far more willing to tell others how much I care about them and value what they do after this, but I think I've grown in other ways too. I think I've become, in general, a better person. My character, though I am still the same person, is stronger. I'm more prepared for life, and I'm ready for anything it may throw at me.

I believe you should have a better opening. Just my opinion, but it isn't very catchy. Straight to the point, but as I said, not catchy...

"My mother had always been there for me. She was always so helpful and loving, and at times, I took it for granted. I wasn't always the kindest daughter to her, and there were so many things I wanted to fix. "

I think these sentences could be a good fit at the beginning of the essay, instead of in the middle. Gives the reader background information about why your mother getting Cancer is so damaging, which helps transition into your first paragraph.

A few other things, sentences like this one:
"I was even more upset than the first time"
Really stick out and disrupt the rhythm of the essay for the reader. Try revising it or just taking it out completely.

I also think you should re-word this sentence:
"The woman I had always seen so clearly being a part of my future, now probably wouldn't be."
The last part of it is really flat and also disrupts the rhythm.

I thought the last paragraph was very well done.

Thanks for noticing about the introduction. I actually began writing on the other prompt option, and it kind of transitioned into this, which fit this theme better. I took the beginning of my paragraph and made it my intro without thinking much, but now I see I should change it. Thanks!

With the revisions that kakiasatt suggested:

My mother had always been there for me. She was always so helpful and loving, and at times, I took it for granted. During my sophomore year, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I was shocked. I didn't know what I would do without her. My mom was always there for me. She helped me get the education I have, and she supported me in whatever I wanted to do. I was afraid of what would happen to my family, and even though I know it wasn't the right thing to do and it wouldn't be beneficial in the end, I became distracted from my studies and my grades began slipping. My mom had surgery and went through chemotherapy, and before my junior year began, the doctors said she was cancer free. My family was so relieved and I felt like such a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Life would go back to normal, or at least I thought.

The week after Thanksgiving of my junior year, my mom's tests and screenings showed that the cancer had come back. The cancer had spread from her colon to her liver and lungs, and surgery was not an option. When my mom brought the news of her diagnosis home from the doctor, I started to realize that my mother probably wouldn't survive the cancer long-term. When they began chemo, and it wasn't working, reality set in even deeper. My mom would probably not be there to see me graduate college; see me get married; see her grandchildren. The woman I had always seen so clearly being a part of my future, wouldn't be. I knew I was losing her, and as she got sicker and sicker, it ate away at me inside. I wasn't always the kindest daughter to her, and there were so many things I wanted to fix. I knew I couldn't go back and change the things I had already done, but I could be the best daughter I could be, starting then. I made a promise to myself that I would be more caring and work harder in school and at home.

By the time I started my senior year, my mother had stopped chemotherapy and was put on hospice. My older half-siblings came to stay with us for a long time, and we began having visitors from all over. Her death grew more impending, and though I had kept my promise to myself, it was still a painful, stressful and confusing time. On November 11th, 2012, my mom passed away. I wasn't surprised; no one was. We had all been prepared and I'm actually glad that we knew it was coming. If her death had been sudden, we wouldn't have gotten to say goodbye, or I'm sorry, and we wouldn't have been able to cherish the precious last moments. Losing someone is a long and horrible process, but it's something we all go through at some time in our lives. I would be an incredibly different person without this experience, and I think I've grown more mature and learned a lot of things because of it. I guess the best way I can describe it is that you should treat people like you could lose them at any moment, because you could. I am far more willing to tell others how much I care about them and value what they do after this, but I think I've grown in other ways too. I think I've become, in general, a better person. My character, though I am still the same person, is stronger. I'm more prepared for life, and I'm ready for anything it may throw at me.