Mother - the person whose persistence and selflessness shape my every move.

Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others

As of right now, I'm unsatisfied with the ending of this essay and feel that it leaves a lot of things out in the open. I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice on how to tie the essay together to show how the realization I described has positively changed me (I'm having trouble demonstrating the personal growth aspect of it. With what I have right now, I'm not sure if I'm actually answering the prompt??) Any help is appreciated, thank you! :)

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Walking In My Mother's Footsteps

The wooden floor of the dance studio presses against my left foot as my toe glides across the room with a growing blister that resists every movement of my body. An abrupt twist results in a patch of raw skin that aches like scalding water yet continues to endure the friction of the floor that I am unwilling to relieve it of. Only after clapping hands have signified the end of class do I feel a cold splash of water from the locker room sink, as my trembling fingers promptly position a pale pink band aid that fails to cover the tender area of skin. Still, I cram my foot into the black boot of a halloween costume before heading down zig-zagged flights of stairs among a crowd of high school students bearing everything from fairy wings to bee antennas and clamorously celebrating the end of a long school day.

While stinging pains encompass every step I take, I hobble through autumn leaves and towards a light blue subway bench that carries me home in the span of an hour. Meeting an excited younger brother who is dressed in a navy blue police costume and is eagerly waving a pumpkin basket around, I soon head down streets of buildings decorated with cotton spider webs and plastic skeletons though every nerve in me screams for relaxation.

As I limp alongside the impulsive feet of a sibling that juxtapose every trudging step I take, I acknowledge the feet that have managed to stand behind a cash register for seventeen years with the same diligence and dedication they've passed on. For as I finally enter the quiet vacancy of my home, my throbbing foot is removed from the captivity of its shoe and released to the comforting air of endurance from a mother whose aching feet accompany her american dream.

A new insight spreads through me as I stand over a desk covered in stick figure drawings and candy wrappers while fully recognizing the meaning of sacrifice. My every feeling of ingratitude is overcome with an utmost appreciation for the mother that routinely returns home at two in the morning with a strained smile that masks her tired feet and weary eyes. Leaning over math worksheets labeled Grade 3, I now make conscious efforts to not have the pains of my foot translate into a grimace corresponding to that of the plastic jack o'lantern my brother joyously snacks out of.

It is in this moment that I realize all the values which have molded me into who I am. The mother who comes home to find me sitting at a desk covered in orderly stacks of books, papers, and granola bar wrappers is the person whose persistence and selflessness shape my every move.

For as the insistent beeping of an alarm awakens me to the rising sun of a new day, I am driven forward with the ambition and understanding that surround me. Allowing the light blue seats of a packed subway cart to be filled with the worn out feet of others, I stand with weight of a book bag pressing down onto my steadily reddening toe. And although infection spreads through every step I take, I walk towards a future committed to following the generosity and accomplishment my mother's footsteps make.

Alina, in my honest opinion, the essay is fine. It is the prompt that is the problem. At this point, you are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. The discussion is one that does not portray itself in the best manner for the prompt because it is not the kind of story that can be used for it. However, you can use it for the open topic prompt that asks you to:

Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

If you can just make some simple adjustments to the content as in clarifying what it is that you were doing that caused injuries to your toes, I am guessing this was a ballet class or something? Then the purpose of the realization you are speaking of becomes better tied in with the inspiration that your mother and your experiences in life have offered you.

@Holt

Thank you for your advice!

If I adjust the way I talk about my family, could this be used for the "Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful to them, they believe their application would be incomplete without it" prompt?

Additionally, what it was is that my toe got infected because I had I popped blister in a modern dance class and still kept dancing on it (I'm trying to show perseverance/unwillingness to give up). Does the way I have it written right now not make it clear?