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My mother is a pill-head; ENGLISH DRAMA


stephanieXdee 1 / 2  
Oct 13, 2013   #1
Unlike most students who run out of their English class, I just keep going back. You may wonder why. Room B305 has been my place of comfort throughout all my four years of high school. I don't know how I would be as a person without this one class. Though it may seem trivial to some, the class has brought about something I have never known how to use before, my voice. This is no ordinary English class; it is known as English Drama. Never before have I been able to express myself so freely, acting is the air I breathe.

My mother is a pill head. I cope with this by going to my safe haven, English Drama. I spend my free periods here and enjoy it immensely. Family circumstances have led me to take on the role of a mother in my house, which has been hard to fill. I often think of it as a role I am acting on stage in English Drama. Like so many other students, I have come to learn that typically no matter how hard I may try; life is constantly trying to throw me off course, but I will persevere. Just being in B305 helps greatly.

Before I enter B305 I am full of anxiety; once I walk in, I feel as though the room is magical. All stressful situations are left at the door. To me, B305 is a classroom full of the people I have acted, laughed, and learned with throughout the last four years. The walls are full of subtle things that I often notice such as the hole in the wall on stage. This hole is so inconspicuous to others; whereas I can write about it all day. B305 is definitely not the most luxurious room. The room is undeniably worn; full of broken desks, a dirty floor, lack of lighting, and the walls are too thin. For me, the positive vibes overcome the negative appearance. Halfway through my junior year, the room had completed undergoing a paint job. Our stage once had red curtains painted on either side of the wall that appeared to be tied back as if opening a real performance. Now, those curtains are gone and it seems that few people can see the silhouette of them as I can. I don't know if the room is just so sentimental to me that the curtains are etched in my mind, or the room just needs another coat of white paint and I have remarkable vision. Whichever it is, I feel that while the room has changed, I have as well. The opening of the curtains is the beginning of my performance; my journey.

B305 has taught me that none of my performances are perfect and there is always room for criticism; the same goes for life. Each role may be planned out and rehearsed countless times, but there is always room for improvement. The stage does not allow second chances and the same applies for life. You have undoubtedly read plenty of essays at this point in your day and I know that whether I am accepted to your institution or not, I am content with where I am. You have read my essay, like the audience has watched my performance. Now I will take my bow and leave you to decide. Nonetheless it is now time for me to move on from these high school days and take the first steps onto a new stage for the beginning of my performance. I, Stephanie De Molfetto have the main lead.

shal05 1 / 1 1  
Oct 14, 2013   #2
Hey here's a few corrections

In order to use a semi colon both sides have to be independent clauses meaning they have to make since by themselves, and they can have no connecting words like and, but, etc.

"This is no ordinary English class, it is known as English drama." a simple comma will do
"This hole is so inconspicuous to others; whereas I can write about it all day " not an independent clause, therefore use a comma

"The opening of the curtains is the beginning of my performance; my journey ." not an independent clause

"My mother is a pill head." This sentence comes out of nowhere. In the first paragraph you should mention the struggles that you have at home that way the second paragraph can kind of explain the problems that the first paragraph talks about by telling us that your mother is a pill head. (also I'm not sure what you're writing this essay for, but if it's formal writing then maybe you should use a different term other than pill head)

"I spend my free periods there and enjoy it immensely"

Also in the second paragraph be more detailed about how your mother's problems affect you personally. You say you have to be the mother in your house but you didn't tell us that you have siblings? How old are they? How old are you?

Halfway through my junior year, the room (had completed undergoing a paint job ) underwent a paint job

"I don't know if the room is just so sentimental to me that the curtains are etched in my mind, or the room just needs another coat of white paint and I have remarkable vision."

Explain why the room is so sentimental to you. Does it keep you away from drama at home? If so what kind of drama?

"You have read my essay, like the audience has watched my performance. Now I will take my bow and leave you to decide." "I, Stephanie De Molfetto have the main lead."

I personally don't recommend that you address the reader like this. I think you could do away with these two sentences and say something else. If you could tell me what the prompt is I might be able to help a little more. What are they asking you to write about?
OP stephanieXdee 1 / 2  
Oct 14, 2013   #3
This is an early action college essay.. After showing this to a few people, i disagree about my conclusion and the my mther is a pill head.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 24, 2013   #4
Though it may seem trivial to some, thethis class has brought about something I have never known how to use before, my voice.

My mother is a pill head. I cope with this by going to my safe haven, English Drama. I spend my free periods here and enjoy it immensely. Family circumstances have led me to take on the role of a mother in my house, which has been hard to fill.

You tell that your mom is a pill head. Then you mention about the English Drama and then come back to the family issues again. It's better you talk about family problems and background first and then connect the English Drama to say how you found refuge of those problems there.


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