The motto Ut Prosim will always be in my mind... College Essay for Virginia Tech

Our motto is Ut Prosim (That I May Serve). How is service to others important in your life?

This is one of the college essays I will be submitting. I would like like to know what I can improve, Thank you!

The act of service, whether is be helping a friend with their homework or going out to serve overseas, is very important to me. Being a child of immigrant parents affected my view on the world. I learned to appreciate everything I have and I got to discover what I believed was the meaning of life.

While growing up, my mother seemed to always be joyful and appreciative of every little thing in her life. I never fully understood why she was like this until I grew older. I heard the stories of how tough life was in El Salvador, a country in Central America where my family is from, but never really understood the severity of the hardships until I decided to watch a movie named Innocent Voices. This movie showed the struggles and sacrifices one family faced during the Civil War of El Salvador. This is the moment I was able to understand why my mom was always so joyful.

Living in the United States, I believe I am blessed. I am blessed with living in a country in where people find service critical to society. People sacrifice their lives each and every year as an act of service to this country to make it a better place. I truly believe that the meaning of life is to go into the world and serve others in the way they feel is their calling. I have not found my calling, however, I am always willing to go out where needed and help others with the pride that the men overseas have. The motto Ut Prosim will always be in my mind no matter where I am.

Gabby, the intention of the prompt is to get an idea as to your civic mindedness. The university wants to know if you are a charitable person who realizes that you are blessed in your own life and therefore, shares or gives to those who have less in life. A proper response to this prompt would include references to any volunteer activities that you participate in. Be it a weekly neighborhood campaign, baby-sitting for a single parent in need of help, or volunteering at a local shelter, these are responses that prove that you understand the importance of service to others.

Your current response is more of a reflection of your life up to this current moment in time. It does not make mention of any service to others that you participate in. Nor does it reflect a clear understanding of the prompt. Why is service to others important in your life? For example, you can explain that your mother explained to you the difficulties she faced when she first came to America. Due to the fact that she received help from others, she raised you to do the same. Give back to those who helped your family in the past. Explain how these incidents have led you to embody the motto of the university.

Reconsider your response. Try to find a point in your life when you were in the service of others. Explain how that made you feel. That feeling can lead you to discover the importance of "service to others" in the long run.

Thank you very much! I decided to change my way of thinking to provide an experience that holds true to my heart. Do you mind providing feedback on it?

As Anne Frank has once said, "No one has ever become poor by giving." I find this statement very true in my life. While serving others, I was able to gain experience that you don't find in the typical classroom. I was fortunate enough to feel first hand how great it feels to serve others.

In my Junior year of highschool, I signed up to tutor a kid at a local elementary school once week. I was assigned a fourth grader who's name is Bethany. I worked with her every week doing stuff ranging from reading a book to working on multiplication problems. Working with Bethany, I learned her struggles and her strengths, and worked with it to help her out, but I never knew that I would also benefit from this experience. Not only did I learn how to be patient with younger kids, but I developed a new way of thinking. I was able to take her strengths and use that to help her with her weaknesses, which helped me to learn to use what is given to me and work my way to a solution. Throughout this process, I was also rewarded emotionally as seeing her smile when she understood something she previously struggled with, also made me smile.

Ut Prosim, That I may Serve, is very important to my life. I became rich from the experiences I gained and will continue to gain from the people I serve. As I move on with life, I will keep on serving in ways that I can really utilize the talents given to me, and impacting people's life by seeing the same smile I saw on Bethany's face.

Hi Gabby. Well, this essay certainly provides the information that the prompt requires. You have managed to present an actual event that shows not only how you serve, but that you also gained something personal through your service to others. A small suggstion though, try to expand upon the idea that you enriched your life by helping others. Try to present concrete examples of how working with the student helped you to evolve as a person, making you a better version of yourself. There are also certain grammar edits that need to be done. Here are my suggested revisions:

... While IN THE PROCESS OF serving others,
... enough to feel EXPERIENCE first hand how great it feels to serve others.

In DURING my Junior year of high school,
... school once A week.
...assigned TO HELP a fourth grader who's nameD is Bethany.
... doing stuff ACTIVITIES ranging from...
... and worked with it to help her out HELPED HER OVERCOME HER SHORTCOMINGS...
... Not only did I learn how to be patient with younger kids
- Present an incident that proves this
... but I ALSO developed a ...
... I was able to take her strengths and use that to help her with her weaknesses, .
SHE HELPED which helped me to learn to use ...
... what is given to me and work my way to a solution.
- Present evidence to support this statement...

... that I can really utilize the talents ...

Please note the suggestions I made to improve certain parts of the essay. I believe that revising those parts will go far in improving your essay.

Awesome, thank you very much!