Multicultural affairs - Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

the environment with possibilities

Syracuse University's efforts towards enhancing multicultural affairs is what influenced me to apple. Coming from a multicultural background, it's important that whichever institute I consider, also considers me. I was born in Columbus, Ohio, raised in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia and originally from Karachi, Pakistan. I believe everyone deserves equal respect and opportunity no matter their race, religion, gender, or social class. Unfortunately, the environment I grew up in was unsupportive of my values. Job offerings were tendentious, schools were segregated, and most religious institutes, including those within the realm of the predominant religion, were banned. Personally, I spent most of my Thursdays awaiting a text from an appointed messenger informing me where the next Friday sermon would take place. It was held in a different location every week since my community's version of Islam was not acceptable in the country. Luckily however, after attending one of SU's diversity sessions for new students, I found my values reflected at Syracuse University. All the clubs, organizations, and events directed towards promoting inclusivity at Syracuse are exactly what I had been looking for! At Syracuse, I see myself being part of the MLLC and attending C.A.R.E dialogue circles. I wish to encourage multicultural competence and interfaith dialogue while expressing myself in ways most true to myself. Whether it may be my studies in Human Development or just watching one of Syracuse's many basketball games, I believe that Syracuse can give me the right environment to do what I previously could not, to help grow my interests.

i think the essay was good and very emotive, however, I hope you don't mind my edits.

... a multicultural learning environment largely influenced my application. Hailing from a multicultural background myself, it is important to me to be a part of an institute which is considerate of me. I was born ... I believe that everyone, regardless of race, religion, gender, or social class deserves equal respect and opportunity.

Unfortunately, the environment I grew up in viewed my values as truculent and employment opportunities were tendentious as a result. For the most part, schools were segregated and most religious ... Resultantly, I spent most ... sermon would take place for my community's version of Islam was not acceptable in the country and had to be held in a different location every week.

... at the University. ... and events were directed ... at on campus, exactly what ...
I hope to encourage ... dialogue whilst expressing myself in a manner true to personal beliefs. Be it whilst studying Human Development or attending one of the university's many basketball games, I believe that Syracuse will give ... could not, to exercise my faith and engage in multilateral knowledge sharing and creation.

Thank you! Your feedback was great help. I didn't mind in the least :)