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"Music is my canvas" - help making this essay more exciting would be great.



kaugustine69 1 / -  
Oct 10, 2010   #1
Kevin Augustine

As the last note rang out I couldn't help but smile at how beautiful the song sounded. After three hours of hard work, determination, and persistence my band and I finally completed our newest and greatest piece of music. I feel the Latin word artes referring to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art applies perfectly to this situation. Through countless hours of practice, great discipline, tireless dedication, and creativity I had helped create a piece of music that I was truly proud of.

Practice, discipline, and dedication are three things that I have found will always guarantee that I can accomplish any goal I set for myself. Playing guitar or any instrument for that matter has showed me that practice is a very important part of accomplishing anything. I have spent countless hours rehearsing, writing, and learning all types of music. In his book Outliers Malcolm Caldwell says it takes at least 10,000 hours to become a true expert at anything. Pushing myself to try to learn new music has been the most challenging part of playing because of the attention to detail, preparation, and devotion it takes. These are all attributes that I apply to learning anything new.

Another great thing about music is the way it allows me to express my creativity and feel true freedom. There are very few things in this world anymore that someone doesn't tell others how to do. Music is one of those things, it is like a blank page that you can paint however you want. Basically one can just let loose and march to the beat of their own drummer. The creative aspect of music is also a reason I love it some much. I use music to tap into my soul and lift my spirits. After a good jam I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me and I have fully expressed myself.

Finally at the end of the day when all the work is done you end up with a one of a kind expression of your mind, soul, ideas, beliefs, passions, and influences. This is where music meets the Latin term artes. What you learn, practice, and put work into can turn into something beautiful.

Music is my canvas but you can accomplish this beauty in many different arts, skills, and crafts. Practice, passion, creativity, discipline, and dedication are all things that come together to make a great piece of music that expresses a persons inner feelings beautifully. It seems true that through these intellectual pursuits one can make something truly beautiful.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Oct 13, 2010   #2
I feel the Latin word artes referring to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art applies perfectly to this situation. --- much better without including that!

Another great thing about music is the way it allows me to express my creativity and feel true freedom.--- very good sentence. I would use enables instead of allows, though.

Finally At the end of the day when all the work is done, you end up with a one-of-a-kind expression of your mind, soul, ideas, beliefs, passions, and influences.

I think you should change ever "you" to "I"

And change this, too:
It seems true that Through these intellectual pursuits, I c an make something truly beautiful.


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