"A muslim family that celebrates Christmas" - Response to an essay question

<<USD Question: As a Catholic University committed to building a more inclusive community, we value students with diverse backgrounds and experiences. Briefly explain how your unique background and interests will contribute to our community.>>

A muslim family that celebrates Christmas every year as if it is ours explains how diversity is in my blood. My grandmother Lola Jean is an American Christian who moved with husband to Egypt in the mid 1930s in search for a place to raise a family. I come from a background of mixed religions and mixed cultures of American/Egyptian and Muslim/Christian. Other than my background, my experiences also play a major role in determining my identity. I joined many clubs in my high school and university to help my community and my environment. I joined AISforEgypt for community service. I have been through many experiences in my current university; however, I believe I am not tested academically. USD is a community with a diverse background and is where I will reach my potential.

<< I have wrote a response to the above statement. Please help me polish this and make it ready for admission. thank you>>

Hi Taymour -- again!

I do grasp the essence of your essay, but I don't think that you explained yourself thoroughly in the text so that the readers can understand what you mean. Perhaps it might be best if you include some of the ways in which these backgrounds influenced you and your beliefs, not just that they did. Do you understand?

--Mark :)

A muslimMuslim family that celebrates Christmas every year as if it is ours explains how diversity is in my blood. My grandmother Lola Jean is an American Christian who moved with her husband to Egypt in the mid 1930s in search for a place to raise a family.

Other than my background, my experiences also played a major role in determining my identity.

however, I believe I am nothave not been tested academically.

My grandmother Lola Jean is an American Christian who moved with her husband to Egypt in the mid 1930s in searching for a place to raise a family.

Other than my backgroundBesides these complicated background , my experiences also play a major role in determining my identity.

I joined many clubs in my high school and university to help my community and my environment.I can not understand this sentence

Note: There are many confusing word and sentence in your essay. If you post this same essay again, I might be able to help you some more.

You cn not be a muslim and celebrate christmas, and u also can not be a muslim christian, you have to choose one religion and follow it

If you embrace the philosophy called perennial philosophy, I think it is normal to celebrate multiple religions. Some of us see the various religions as manifestations of the spirit of human consciousness, and the way of practicing "perennial" spirituality makes it not only permissible but also sort of necessary to celebrate multiple religions.