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UC Essay My 1966 Mustang



earynnm 3 / 9  
Nov 29, 2011   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

584 words

November 16, 2011 is the day I became legal. On that day I no longer had a provisional license, I now officially had a license. I won't ever forget that my first car was a 1966 Ford Mustang. It all started one day in June when my family and I sat in the car at a red light. My dad was driving his white Yukon. My mom sat in the front passenger seat behind my dad was my sister Loren. Next to her sat one year old Eva. She was perfecting her method for breaking out of her car seat. My brothers CJ and Ethan sat in the back seat playing against one another in Mario Kart for the Ds.

While staring out the window aimlessly I saw a guy pulled up next to us. He looked like a surfer; he had nice features, the perfect tan, and dirty blonde hair. When he pulled beside us I looked over because I just wanted to see who was there. I had to do a quadruple take. I saw the guy, then the car he was driving, then the guy again, and finally the car. I said excuse me mom and dad but that's the car I want. My parents were like what car? I pointed to the Mustang. They were flabbergasted on how I could want that model car.

Before my dad would buy me a car I had to complete driver's education and attain a drivers permit. After I completed those tasks Craigslist, EBay, and any other site that allowed people to sell cars were my best friends. I searched the websites morning, noon, and night. Finally after three months of tireless searching, I found my Mustang. However there was one small problem with the car, it was manual. At first the thought of learning to drive a manual car was intimidating. My dad didn't help my fear by teaching me on a street that was also a hill. However soon I got the hang of it.

Once I passed the behind the wheel driving test I was allowed to drive my brother and myself to school. The first day I drove us to school I stalled out a red light. I turned the car back on and was slowly letting the clutch out when all of the sudden a bus cuts me off. The experience was embarrassing. That wasn't the last time I stalled out. During my first month or two of driving I must have stalled at every red light I stopped at.

At first I used to track how many times I would stall out in a day. As time progress I stopped counting and I also stopped stalling out. When I get to school I have to text my dad to let him know I made it there. While we were texting he asked me how my drive went. I then realized that I hadn't stalled out on my drive to school. I reflected on the brief period of time that I was driving. I was proud of myself because I persevered through a difficult obstacle. There were many times I just wanted to tell my dad to sell the car because driving a stick shift was too difficult. I'm glad that I never expressed those feelings to him because I always get compliments on my car. Also every time I get behind the wheel of my car I feel like I am driving in a Fast and Furious movie.

TurtlePower 2 / 5  
Nov 29, 2011   #2
Your essay is good but you need more of a conclusion. The last sentence is especially awkward and isn't relevant.
OP earynnm 3 / 9  
Nov 29, 2011   #3
Thank you for your input!
OP earynnm 3 / 9  
Nov 29, 2011   #4
is this conclusion any better?

I remember one time my uncle took my siblings, cousins, and me fishing. In the parking lot my brother decided he wanted to run into the street. We told him to stop and come back. When he came back to us, my uncle told him that the next time he decided to run in the street to let us know. He said he my brother got hit by a car we wanted to see it. He told my brother "Don't stop, keep going." Don't stop, keep going is exactly how I had to treat driving. I would never learn how to drive a manual car if I just gave up. There were many times I just wanted to tell my dad to sell the car because driving a stick shift was too difficult. I'm glad that I never expressed those feelings to him because I always get compliments on my car. I'm proud of myself because I persevered through a difficult obstacle.
OP earynnm 3 / 9  
Nov 29, 2011   #5
any help is appreciated
alwlee - / 2  
Nov 30, 2011   #6
"Also every time I get behind the wheel of my car I feel like I am driving in a Fast and Furious movie." i also think you should delete that. Um how many words is this?

"He said he my brother got hit by a car we wanted to see it. He told my brother "Don't stop, keep going." Don't stop, keep going is exactly how I had to treat driving." I feel like a lot of your sentences are repetitive... try using different words? and what do you mean by "he my brother got hit by a car?"


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