Myself and I - UBC Personal Profile: What is important to you ? And why ?

What is important to you and why?

I am writing UBC personal profile and stuck with the given question.
Any comments would be appreciated ! Thank you
My prompt:
Truly value myself is the most important aspect to me. Back to 2019, having completed the high school admission exam with one of the highest scores, I went to school with satisfaction and confidence. Nevertheless, the first C++ session really hit me hard. The first assignment was to print the permutations of sequence from 1 to n, where n is a positive integer. The difference between code tasks and math counterparts was really immense. In math, what I often do is to discover the ultimate solution, whereas in programming, particularly in this way of solving, a problem can be solved using smaller versions of the same problem. The hardest obstacle was the transformation in mindset.

Then the following lessons with more advanced algorithms has knocked me out; I lost all my confidence. Once, I remember vividly the quote from my informatics teacher: "I believe that all of you are capable of succeeding in your favorite field, whether in the Computer Science or not.". The quote is like the light at the end of the tunnel. Computer Science is not just about coding, it is a very broad term and plentiful to discover. Reflecting on the pros and cons, constantly improve, carefully opt for intermediate courses in other branches of computer science, such as web application and data analytics are what I do to regain joy and fulfillment. Ups and downs are parts of daily life, so that self-esteem is a key role in my life.

(245 words)

This response essay is all over the place. There is no order to the idea presentation, the sentence structures and word choices have totally become unintelligible, almost as if the translation program used could not properly decipher the original sentences, in the original language of the user. From what I can gather though, towards the end, the essay is supposed to be about the importance of self-esteem to the writer along with the reasons why. When read in reverse, the statement seems to be easier to understand.

The essay needs to be revised by presenting the self esteem response first, then the explanation why it is important to the student. Maybe if written in reverse, the statement will become more understandable and better explain what is important to the student and why. Turn the essay upside down. Use the last part first and the first part last in the revised version. That should help the reader better analyze what you are trying to explain.