'nature and science in harmony' - columbia supplement short essay

Please tell us what appeals most to you about columbia and why?
(1500 characters)

"Why Columbia?"

I dream. My dream is of a future where nature and science exists in perfect harmony. My dream is of a world where every voice is heard and every opinion considered. My dream is to grow and to help others grow. My dream is to lead. My dream is Columbia.

Columbia is, undoubtedly, an institution par excellence. The stellar academics and research facilities, under the guidance of some of the best professors in the world and the amazing 'CORE', which embodies in a student all the necessary qualities of a well rounded individual, along with its majestic campus and its location in the heart of the world's heart, make Columbia perfect. And for me, numero uno.

What appeals most to me about Columbia though, is the warmth and exuberance it reflects, the ideals by which it stands, and the precision with which it hones its determined students into skilled individuals- individuals who thing big, think smart, work hard and raise the standards of society, individuals who not only aspire to make a difference in the world but diligently work towards a better future, individuals who lead.

"...And hence, Columbia."
(1135 characters)

Is it too short? Too vague? Too general?
Any feedback would be really appreciated. : )

What appeals to me most is "my dream is to grow and help others grow" this is really interesting. You can develop on your points if you like but what you have written is alright.

I believe that you should expand on more reasons why Columbia is for you. You could insert the name of other schools into this essay and submit it for another school, which means its too general. Not trying to be harsh

Hey,

I agree with mangotango. Though wonderfully written, this essay could apply to any other univerisity. Columbia knows how great they are!! So dont repeat for them what they already know...Rather, tell them why YOU are a great fit for Columbia. Anyway, that's what I'm going to do.... I'm applying to Columbia too :):)

Good luck to you!!!

Thank you for your inputs!
I will work on that and post a draft soon.
Good luck to you too :D

"Why Columbia?"

I dream. My dream is of a future where nature and science exists(shouldn't that be exist?) in perfect harmony. My dream is of a world where every voice is heard and every opinion considered. My dream is to grow and to help others grow. My dream is to lead(it sounds a bit awkward, maybe you should say 'to become/be a leader). My dream is Columbia.

Columbia is, undoubtedly, an institution par excellence. The stellar academics and research facilities, under the guidance of some of the best professors in the world and the amazing 'CORE', which embodies in a student all the necessary qualities of a well rounded individual, along with its majestic campus and its location in the heart of the world's heart, make Columbia perfect. This sentence seems a bit long, maybe you should break it downAnd for me, numero uno.

What appeals most to me about Columbia though, is the warmth and exuberance it reflects, the ideals by(shouldn't that be 'for'? You could also say 'the ideals it represents') which it stands, and the precision with which it hones its determined students into skilled individuals - individuals who thingthink big, think smart(maybe you should say: 'individuals who think big and smart, work hard, and raise ...), work hard and raise the standards of society,(I think you should enter a ; instead of a dot)individuals who not only aspire to make a difference in the world, but diligently work towards a better future; individuals who lead.

"...And hence, Columbia."
(1135 characters)

I agree with the other commentators; it seems a bit too general.

Could you perhaps have a look at my essay too?