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The needed to be depended on - Common App Application



BillyKurniawanH 1 / 1  
Jan 18, 2016   #1
Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story

"You need to be useful in your society" my mom said. That statement was spoken to me when I'm around 12 years old, when I'm in my last year of primary school. Maybe I'm the one who listen too hard, but that statement really got into my mind. That statement makes me wonder like what's the point in being useful?

I still remember the reason why she talked to me back then is because I was one of the best students in my class, which literally is the best class in my school. I often share her a story after school and one day, in a one extraordinary day, she told me that thing.

I still can't believe how that simple "order" craft me. I don't say I like to help people. But I definitely like the feeling of beeing needed., much larger than that, to be depended on. But, of course, if I want people around me need me, I need to be better from them.

It's not only once or twice I study hard on something new because someone ask me to help them in that stuff. It's not because I'm ashamed with "sorry, I can't do that stuff", it's because I like how they react when I actually can help them.

My junior high school is not really a challenge for me. I already had a lot of friends when I entered there. I'm still being one of the best students in the school. My current abillity back then was quite enough to help a lot of my friends. It makes me don't learn much.

Different from my junior high school, my senior high school is really a challenge for me. I go to a senior high school in a different city with my junior one. That means, I'm alone. I got nobody when I enter the school. The people are throughoughly better. I'm like nobody in the school. Nobody saw me yet.

Slowly and slowly, with each month passes by, I climb to a position like when I was in junior high school. But really, it was a big struggle. The feeling of nobody needs my help is quite sucks.

I still remember the first recognition of me is when my math teacher gives me hard questions. I try hard to do it, and finally I can answer it. Then he said that the next question would be harder. I don't know why I ,and only I, can answer that question too. My friends was like they don't even know how to do the basic one. Since that moment they recognize me.

I'm the first choice of all my friends when it's about tutoring stuff. I love being the first choice. And as I said before, I bravely say yes to help them study the stuff I even haven't known well. But as soon as I can, I make myself ready to help them.

I'm also the first option when it comes to big responsibillity position in the class. In my second year, we gather money to have a vacation in the end of the yar. I don't know why all my friend elect me to be the leader. Well, although I'll be busy, this suits me after all.

Based on my experience, I like to be depended on by my friends not because I'm kind , which is so noble, but it's because I like to climb and climb myself in the society. I like to be seen as a great person. Hopefully some people already see me as the best person.

My dream up ahead is being depended on in a much larger scale, my country. I always dream about having the influence in my country without going into the government directly. I wish to be such a great person that my country consider me when they about to take actions.

justivy03 - / 2265  
Jan 18, 2016   #2
Hi Billy, as I read and understand your essay, I must say it's raw or should I call
it a very rough draft, kindly find few points below, it might help;

- as much as you would want to be creative, it's still best to go straight to the point
- reflect on what is asked of the essay from the prompt given and work from there accordingly
- use words that are definite, avoid using "such stuff" or any word/s that may seem immature
or informal
- create a smooth flow in your paragraphs
- mind the sentences, the length as well as how you present the sentence into the paragraphs
and eventually into the whole essay
- limit your essay into a maximum of 3 paragraphs, the introduction, the body and the final paragraph of your essay

Lastly, being personal as this prompt is asking you to write about is good, however, leave some information
for a good conversation with the admission staff, don't give out all the details, instead, go direct to the
point, this way you will be able to get the right space and time to write a good essay.

I hope my insights help and do let us know should you need further assistance.


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