"new experiences with an open mind" - emory supplementt im applying ED

One of the many exception aspects about Emory is the manner by which students are selected. During the info session I attended it was greatly emphasized that applications are taken very seriously; they aren't just read over, but they are analyzed. Admissions officers seek students who have that spark; that sincere love for learning that will best contribute to the vitality and diversity of the student body. Thus, I can be certain that the community at Emory is comprised of well rounded individuals whose unique passions and backgrounds have played an important role in their admission.

Another aspect of Emory I find compelling is its competitive NCAA Division III varsity athletic programs. Since my sophomore year, I have competed on the cross country and track teams and find that being an athlete has kept me disciplined and added structure to my routine. I would like my sport to continue to supplement my academics, rather than consume them. Emory offers the opportunity for a solid balance of academic excellence and strong intercollegiate athletic competition.

All my experiences, profound, routine, and otherwise are intimations of my whole person. As I advance to the next chapter of my life, I strive to approach new experiences with an open mind; to allow every person I meet, each place I visit contribute to my world view as I endeavor through life. At Emory, I would immerse myself in the ambient community through Volunteer Emory, Outdoor Emory, and form an unmatched...

i tried to mention unique emory programs toward the end...is this convincing at all?

The first point is not that strong, imho.
Maybe expand more upon the unique emory programs (good) and eliminate or somehow argue paragraph 1 better?

One of the many outstanding elements of Emory is the caliber of its students. I expect that in and out of the classroom, my peers will be engaged and motivated. They will have that spark; that sincere love for learning that will best contribute to the vitality of the student body. I have chosen Emory because its community will be stimulating and diverse; comprised of well rounded individuals whose unique passions and backgrounds have played an important role in their admission.

Another aspect of Emory I find compelling is its competitive NCAA Division III varsity athletic programs. Since my sophomore year, I have competed on the cross country and track teams and find that being an athlete has kept me disciplined and added structure to my routine. I would like my sport to continue to supplement my academics, rather than consume them. Emory will offer the opportunity for a solid balance of academic excellence and strong intercollegiate athletic competition.

As I advance to the next chapter of my life, I strive to approach new experiences with an open mind; to allow every person I meet, each place I visit contribute to my world view as I endeavor through life. At Emory, I will immerse myself in the invigorating community through Volunteer Emory, Outdoor Emory, and the myriad of Dooley events, and embrace my studies with the phenomenal research facilities and student support resources that only Emory has to offer.

Is this any better?

Much better written. :)

i like how you specified the ncaa division at emory
overall, you did well on shortening a large, wordy content into a concise one.
but try to make your first paragraph a bit more unique, i feel that it can be an intro for any college/university

One of the many outstanding elements of Emory is the caliber of its students. Both in and out of the classroom, they are engaged and motivated. They have that spark; that sincere love for learning that best contributes to the vitality of the student body. I have chosen Emory because its community is stimulating and diverse; comprised of well rounded individuals whose unique passions and backgrounds play an important role in campus life.

Another aspect of Emory I find compelling is its competitive NCAA Division III varsity athletic programs. Since my sophomore year, I have competed on the cross country and track teams and find that being an athlete has kept me disciplined and added structure to my routine. Emory will offer a solid balance of academic excellence and strong intercollegiate athletic competition, which my experiences have taught me to value.

Undecided about my major, I will find guidance in Pre-Major Advising Connections. This unique system will inform my choice of a major and prepare me for success in whichever field I may choose. The graduate and professional schools with strengthen my academic experience, serving as insight to a variety of possibilities. At Emory, I will join the fabric of the invigorating community through Volunteer Emory, Outdoor Emory, and the myriad of Dooley events; expand my world through the Center for International Programs Abroad; and embrace my studies with the phenomenal research facilities and student support resources that only Emory has to offer.

I totally re-vamped this shit
does it still work?