Hello! Here is my two essays for Boston University.
Any advice is welcome!
Thank you and good luck on ur apps as well!
I will read your essays in return! :)
In a few sentences, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission? (750 characters)
Studying in BU will not only fulfill my intellectual aspirations, but will also expose me to many new urbanities and cultures. I am not only attracted to BUs geographic location, but also fascinated by the unique offerings of the SMG. Boston's status as the home to countless intellectual and business institutions, combined with SMG's real-world based academic curriculums, will not only expose me to contrasting views, both culturally and academically, but will also prepare me fully for the innovative world of business. I yearn to explore entrepreneurship with the comprehensive programs offered at BU and I believe BU is the next step in my journey toward turning my passion into my profession.
A. It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are? (500 words, 5000 characters)
Dear future best buddy,
I hope this email finds you well. Just as you are, I am just finishing enjoying my summer, and recollecting myself for my first year of college at the exciting city of Boston. I wanted to take a chance to email you in order to formally introduce myself to you and to plan out our future "home" together. I truly hope this will eliminate all awkwardness between us on our first day.
My name is Cicy Fan, I grew up in Shanghai, and attended boarding school in Canada during my high school year. Don't worry, I don't have any of the funny Canadian accent that American Television think we allegedly have, and I will not attempt to build an igloo in our room. Of course, you have all the liberty to have fun with my short-three-syllable-name; many find calling me by my first and last name a great fun, not mentioning repeating it numerous times. I have had a four-year-dorm experience at my high school, I guarantee you I will be a thoughtful roommate and a quite sleeper. However, try not to come to me crying about your homesickness or your boyfriend, I am not good with heavy emotions and tend to say the wrong things when I have to deal with them.
If our beds happen to be bunk beds, I will be totally comfortable to take the top bunk, so no need to rush to our room before I do on move-in day. More-over, I can bring a good-quality coffee machine for our room if you want to bring a toaster or a waffle maker. As you can tell, I am a coffee and a breakfast person.
My favorite color is purple, and my favorite website is certainly not Facebook. I have visited roughly fifteen countries and 30 cities. I enjoy reading non-fiction books and definitely prefer them over fiction fantasy stories. I will be carrying my small library of books by authors such as Malcolm Gladwell, Chris Hedges, and Howard Zinn to our room. If you enjoy reading them as well, you don't have to go through the trouble of bringing them. I prefer music from the 80's or the 70's and can only tolerate very little main stream music. I understand that I may have a different taste than most of our peers, however, I will not, by all means, try to brag about my interests or to force you into liking them. I like classical films as well.
Sometimes you may find me overly focus with my goals and too indulgent with my books, musics, and films. However, I am not the stereotypical Asian that is too uptight and obsessed with excellence. I may not be overly sporty but we can go on jogs together. Please, do write back to me and I can't wait to see you in september.
P.S: Would you like to explore the city with me before school starts?
P.P.S: I am abnormally tall for an Asian girl, its not hard to spot me in a crowd.
Hahahahahaha that part about the igloo made me laugh! I'm from Vancouver; once I went down to California for vacation and actually convinced someone that I had three polar bears at home. Best vacation ever.
"Don't worry, I don't have any of the funny Canadian accent that American Television think we allegedly have" Now for the accent part, I would rephrase it. I can't exactly pinpoint what's iffy about it, but there's something there...anyways, how about "I don't have any accent, much less the 'American' interpretation of the 'Canadian' accent." I don't know...don't mind me!
"Sometimes you may find me overly focus with my goals" which I would change to "you may find that I am overly focused on my goals".
That's all I have to contribute - your "Why BU" is pretty much flawless. Although, are you sure we aren't long-lost twins? Abnormally tall Asian, fifteen countries, classical films, 80s music...I swear there's something fishy about this.
Please take some time to critique my essay? It would be duly appreciated!
Very funny and personal letter, something i would love to get from my would be roommate, if i had one that is. Anyway, except for the "focused" part, nothing seems to be grammatically wrong. The content is pretty solid.
Best of luck.
I changed it into this:
You may find that I am overly focused with my goals and takes too much pleasure in my books, musics, and films from time to time.
Tell me if you like it :)
Haha, I really enjoyed reading this. Its sound real, not like scripted for an application essay. Which is a good thing. It feels more personal and real in that way. Good job.
Do you mind helping me with mine?
Same essay-
Also, hope you get in! I'd like to h ave you as a roommate. I love coffee and breakfast.
