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And the Next Idol Is... (Common App short answer)


kevin12345 3 / 5  
Sep 18, 2011   #1
Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

I was the new comer, not only to Orinda Idol but to performing itself. Having sung in choir for only two years I decided to compete in my community's "American Idol". The veterans looked on me as if I was a toddler and they were royalty, but my song choice was strong and my passion, stronger. With uplifting words from my colleagues I stepped on stage and drank in the sight of two thousand audience members intermingled with three judges, all expecting a masterpiece (so it seemed at the time). The piano began its smooth legato line and I began to sing. The words were not from memory but rather brought up by the pulling tension and soft release of the melody. My sharp tenor voice seamlessly married with the warm, rounded bass notes and I was in harmony. Reaching the ending climax I drew in a heavily supported breath, belted a magnificent high G and for a moment time was brought to a halt. The reverberations dissipated throughout the theater and I was left, beaming.

- Kevin D.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Sep 19, 2011   #2
Having sung in the choir for only two years, I decided to compete in my community's "American Idol".

The veterans looked down on me as if I was a toddler and they were royalty, but my song choice was strong and my passion, stronger.---Nice sentence!

With uplifting words from my colleagues I stepped onto the stage and drank in the sight of two thousand audience members intermingled...

My sharp tenor voice seamlessly married with the warm, rounded bass notes and I was in harmony.

The reverberations dissipated throughout the theater and I was left, beaming.---How about ..'and only I was left, beaming'? Or "..and I was left there, beaming".?

:)
OP kevin12345 3 / 5  
Sep 20, 2011   #3
Thanks for the advice Susan! I did think that last sentence was a little off but I couldn't figure it out.
Reeny 2 / 4  
Sep 20, 2011   #4
I really liked the essay, it really compels you to read on until the end. However, I don't think the first sentence is really grabbing enough, considering how descriptive the narrative that follows is. Maybe something like, "I felt myself shaking as I stepped onto the stage and the spotlight fell upon me." Something like that will throw us into the world of the story immediately, rather than 3 sentences in. :)


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