Hi! This is my first thread, but be as critical as you can; I give you permission to be brutal with your feedback. Here's the prompt:
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better. (250 words minimum)
And here's my essay:
Dear Future Roommate,
It's common knowledge that every dorm room contains a normal roommate and a weird roommate, and if you don't have a weird roommate, then you are the weird roommate. However, you'll have nothing to worry about, because I will probably be the weird roommate.
I'll seem perfectly normal at first; I'll be shy, friendly, and I'll smile a lot. Don't worry; the shyness will disappear shortly after we meet. When this happens, I'll still be friendly and smile a lot, but please don't be alarmed when I pull out a ukulele and start to sing, "All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon as we're poisoning pigeons in the park." I don't really want to murder innocent pigeons, and I do sing normal songs, too (although most of them tend to be just as quirky as Tom Lehrer's "Pigeons In The Park"). And don't be alarmed when I start to come up with terrible puns about 185 random objects walking into bars. Some of my jokes aren't so terrible, and thinking of jokes is thoroughly entertaining. My closet is in rainbow order, I like to point out Mini Coopers when I see them, and I love to crunch numbers in a world where math is the runt of the academic subject litter.
I like to think I'm normal in some ways, though. While the ukulele and jokes are important, my family and friends transcend everything else in my life. When I can, I like to snowboard and play soccer. I thoroughly enjoy art and music, as well as the occasional rock concert. I think that's enough for us to become good friends, Future Roommate.
Hope to see you soon!
Best wishes,
Rachel
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better. (250 words minimum)
And here's my essay:
Dear Future Roommate,
It's common knowledge that every dorm room contains a normal roommate and a weird roommate, and if you don't have a weird roommate, then you are the weird roommate. However, you'll have nothing to worry about, because I will probably be the weird roommate.
I'll seem perfectly normal at first; I'll be shy, friendly, and I'll smile a lot. Don't worry; the shyness will disappear shortly after we meet. When this happens, I'll still be friendly and smile a lot, but please don't be alarmed when I pull out a ukulele and start to sing, "All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon as we're poisoning pigeons in the park." I don't really want to murder innocent pigeons, and I do sing normal songs, too (although most of them tend to be just as quirky as Tom Lehrer's "Pigeons In The Park"). And don't be alarmed when I start to come up with terrible puns about 185 random objects walking into bars. Some of my jokes aren't so terrible, and thinking of jokes is thoroughly entertaining. My closet is in rainbow order, I like to point out Mini Coopers when I see them, and I love to crunch numbers in a world where math is the runt of the academic subject litter.
I like to think I'm normal in some ways, though. While the ukulele and jokes are important, my family and friends transcend everything else in my life. When I can, I like to snowboard and play soccer. I thoroughly enjoy art and music, as well as the occasional rock concert. I think that's enough for us to become good friends, Future Roommate.
Hope to see you soon!
Best wishes,
Rachel