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'Nowhere without hard work' - Describing the world I come from -UC Prompt #1



klvazquez 1 / -  
Nov 21, 2011   #1
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Even as a child, I was always taught that you will never get anywhere worthwhile without hard work. Growing up, I have unfortunately had to watch my mother go through struggle after struggle. I always admired my mother for her fighting will and ability to pick herself up after every lost battle. I remember once as a child I told my mother that I wanted to be just like her. She responded with "No. You will become someone better than who I am." As a child, I felt rejected by her response. But now I realize exactly what she meant. I now understand that the reason why she has pushed me so hard in school is so I will have a better life than the one she has had. I love my mother but I do not want to live a life like the one that her decisions have led her to live. Having a proper education and the determination to push through all the struggles is the ultimate factor to my success. If I have to make selfish decisions about my future, then so be it. Even though I sometimes feel physically and emotionally drained, I do not give up. There have been times when I just do not have the willpower to go on. But then I catch myself and I put myself back in my place. Taking the first steps to gain a higher education is frightening. But then I take one look at my mother and how worn out life has made her and I immediately ignore that fear and take that first step towards success.

Jennyflower81 - / 674  
Nov 23, 2011   #2
I love my mother but I do not want to live a life like the one that her decisions have led her to live.
Re-word this sentence, perhaps. Expand on this thought

There have been times when I just do not have the willpower to go on. But then I catch myself and I put myself back in my place. Taking the first steps to gain a higher education is frightening.

You make a great point, however, think of how the reader will perceive your character. You are trying to say "through weakness, strength may arise" something along those lines.

Remember to show the college that you are a person with a plan, that you have short-term and long term goals. These are factors that make your essay stand out among the many papers. Try to avoid sounding cliche' as you can imagine, many applicants are writing almost the same thing as you. Good luck in school!
programmerguy - / 3  
Nov 23, 2011   #3
But then I catch myself and I put myself back in my place.
You should elaborate on this. Give examples on how you overcome losing your willpower to go on.

You do a good job describing the situation you are in, but you should expand on "how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations." Perhaps there is a certain field you wish to study in college as a result of your world.


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