NYU SUPPLEMENT--BUSINESSWOMAN, GLOBAL CITIZEN, MY GRANDFATHER

Hi people! so deadline is really soon now and i'm still feeling uncomfortable with my NYU supplments, they just doesn't look right. I find it quite hard to come up with something good with the small quota？ Anws can you all please edit/critique for me? fix my sentence structure or grammar

i'm not so good at that. Be as harsh as possible i have strong heart haha!
Thanks in advance.
BTW word limit is 500 characters, and yes i'm within limit.
ps. the 3rd essay seems a little cliche but its all true. I dont want it to sound like a pity story or anything. Any wise advice?

THANK YOU PEOPLE I'M GLAD I FOUND THIS FORUM!
here goes：

Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.

I have always enjoyed selling things. From handmade accessories to selling my old belongings on eBay, the process (production, packaging, price evaluation, marketing, and finally the sale) is tedious yet satisfying. I know that the businesswoman in me is an intrinsic quality. The NYU Stern Core Business program is exactly what I need; it is the only college that plans and funds overseas trips for all students. I can't wait to experience the dual pleasure of studying in and out of classroom.

NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

Born in China and raised in Singapore, I hope to continue my global experience by studying in New York. I think of myself as a global citizen, someone who is concerned about global issues and people. Studying in NYU will definitely give me the exposure and adventure I need to become a global citizen.NYU is where I can gain street smarts in addition to book smarts. Moreover, with the international approach of NYU's curriculum, I can experience and achieve what I most desire.

If you had the opportunity to bring any person -- past or present, fictional or nonfictional -- to a place that is special to you (your hometown or country, a favorite location, etc), who would you bring and why? Tell us what you would share with that person

If I had the chance, I would bring my deceased grandfather to my house in Singapore. The day before his schedule flight from China to Singapore, my grandfather died forma brain haemorrhage. All I have left of him are vague memories, but I want to see him again. I want to show him that our family is healthy and that I'm all grown up now, ready to venture into outside world. I want to tell him that there is nothing for him to worry about, and that he may rest in peace now.

THANK YOU

I like your style of writing, it's clear and basic. Watch out for spelling errors, and capitalization rules. (I is always capitalized, "oeverall" is overall, "haemorrahage" is hemorrhage) I know you know these things, but they slip by so easily!

1. Instead of "I knew then that the businesswoman in me is an intrinsic quality." Try, "I know that the businesswoman in me is an intrinsic quality." It's otherwise unclear at what point you realized this.

2. The first sentence is awkward. "I was born in China, raised in Singapore, and now hope to study in New York City." NYU Stern is exactly what you NEED, not needed. However, I don't think it is the only college that plans and funds overseas trips for all students. Actually, quite a few schools do that...Captilize your I's!!

3. This was sensitive topic for you, I can tell. I'd phrase the third-last sentence something more along the lines of the following; "All I have left of him are vague memories, but I want to see him again. I want to show him that our family are healthy, and that I am grown up now, with big dreams and incredible abilities. I want to tell him that there is nothing for him to worry about, and that he may rest in peace." Or something like that. Just to focus on yourself.

I'm very tired, sorry these responses are so vague!! But I wanted to help, and I wish you good luck!

Overall, I feel like your answers accurately responds to the questions, but there are some grammatical mistakes.

Born in China and raised in Singapore, and I now hope to study in New York City.

I have always enjoyed selling my items .

I think of myself as a global citizen, someone who is concerned about global issues and people overall .

NYU is where i can gain "street smart" in addition to "book smart". Moreover, with NYU's international approach,i can experience and achieve what i want as a global citizen.

I want to show him that our family is doing well and that I have matured.

Thanks everyone for ur help! will post the revised version soon! can anyone look at my commonapp essay as well?

I especially like the last response! Very personal and well written!

good luck!

Hi poeple this is my revised version! Thanks for the advice of everyone above!:)

On a sidenote, can someone read my commonapp essay please please with a cherry on top? I know its really long but i really really need more opinions! Thanks!