Hi. Please give me opinions with my NYU supplements.
My weakness is my grammar so if you see any, please tell me!
Supplement 2 is little over 500 character so if you have any suggestions which part to delete,
please suggest!
Thank you!
1. If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do?
My journey in NYC will be with Yoko Ono. We will first walk around Central Park to talk about ourselves then head to museums to share and feel the love and power of art. Then we will go out to eat at a Japanese restaurant. I want to share our perspectives about the world especially about New York and Tokyo. Lastly, we will go to "Top of the Rock" and Yoko would teach me what is important in life underneath our favorite sky looking towards our beloved city, New York is where my new life will begin.
498/500
2. In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.
"Passion" is the name of the movie. People and cars are passing by fast. It is similar to my life that passes by fast and I left something behind. Juna, who is a busy business lawyer, thought her life was fulfilled until she found her old camera. She sees a flashing light through the finder, and then was swallowed up in what she saw through the finder. She went back and meets herself 40years ago. She found out that she couldn't go back to the present time, unless she finds what she left behind. As the time goes by spending time with herself, Juna started to get what she left behind her--"passion".
605/500
3. Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.
Neon lights in different colors that surround me shine,
Tall buildings that surround me in powerful stance hurl,
Diverse people that surround me make time seems go away,
I strive for my dream in a busy and ultra-modern world,
I laugh, cry and irate like everyone do everyday,
The story of my life is looking in a haphazardly way,
But I am the heroine of my life.
I am going to make everything shine in my life.
407/500
4. Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.
What I value the most is diversity. It is because of the community of International School taught me how diversity makes this world so interesting. I believe that New York is an accurate reflection of our world for any fields and NYU is where many students all around the world gather to study and to make connections. It can be fashion, music, art or business. I want to absorb and try everything I can in NYU, where they'll provide me with diverse opportunities with diverse people.
483/500
1) I think you should mention something specific about Yoko... what draws you to her specifically? But other than that, it's good.
2) "Passion" is my movie. People and cars are passing by fast. It is similar to my life that passes by fastquicklyand I left something behind . Juna, who is a busy business lawyer, thought her life was fulfilling until she found her old camera. She sees a flashing light through the finder (I'm not sure what you mean by this) , and then was swallowed up (consider another word for "swallowed up") in what she saw through the finder. She went back and meets herself 40 (if you have characters left, try to spell it out) years ago. She found out that she couldn't (could not) go back to the present time, unless she finds what she left behind (finds what she lacks?) . As the time goes by spending time with herself, Juna startedJuna begins to realize whatto get what she left behind her--"passion".
I like the idea of your movie, but since this is autobiographical... I don't know how well saying that you left passion behind will go with admissions. But it's a very interesting concept.
3) Neon lights in different colors that surround me shine,
Tall buildings that surround me in powerful stance hurl (consider word choice) ,
Diverse people that surround me make time seems go awayseem to make time go away ,
I strive for my dream in a busy and ultra-modern world,
I laugh, cry and irate (use another verb to be parallel with "laugh, cry" like everyone does everyday,
The story of my life is looking in a haphazardly way(another synonym for haphazard) ,
But I am the heroine of my life.
I am going to make everything shine in my life.
4) It is because of the community of International School taught me how diversity makes this world so interesting.
- Don't use contractions.
- Stay parallel within sentences.
Good job! Good luck :]
