NYU. A reality come true or just a dream school?- Help on my NYU supplement

NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)

Hi guys, I'm not that great at strong vocabulary or writing in general. Any criticism is appreciated. Thanks! :D

Being at the heart of New York City, no university is comparable to NYU in attracting so many young, ambitious and aspiring adults from countless diverse background. As a first generation American-born Chinese, my goal is to become the bridge between young immigrants and American society through the medical field. Many times immigrants lack the medical attention they need because they don't fully understand how our country works or just simply lack the resources to seek help.

NYU can help me achieve this goal through their reputable academic research facilities as well as their strong connections with the real world. In the morning I could be attending a lecture about the anatomy of the human body, but later in the afternoon at an internship at a local hospital, I can see first hand how doctors and nurses applied what I learned into ways to save people's lives. NYU's Shanghai campus is also great way for me to further my ambitions by developing a deeper connection with my Chinese culture through the study abroad program. Being in a rising city in the global economy and largest in terms of population, NYU's Shanghai campus is is full of opportunities and discoveries no other university can provide.

As a student, my most promising traits are my determination and persistence. Hours and hours spent on the track running taught me that progress comes through persistence and determination. When I first tried out for my school's track team during my freshmen year, I could barely finish the mile that was required to make the team. I was denied a spot on the team. I trained every day for the entire summer and when tryouts took place again next year my training paid off and I was offered a spot on the team.

My determination and persistence will inspire those around me to work harder and achieve their goals. I have learned that it takes practice to excel, and passion to exceed. As an NYU student, no obstacle will stand in my way when I put my mind to it.

Being atIn the heart of New York City, NYU cannot be compared to any other university since it attracts so many young, ambitious and aspiring adults from countless diverse backgrounds . As a first generation American-born Chinese, my goal is to become the bridge between young immigrants and the American society throughin the medical field. Many times Often, immigrants lack the medical attention they need either because they don't fully understand how our country works or because theyjust simply lack the resources to seek help.

NYU can help me achieve this goal through theirits reputable academic research facilities as well as theirits strong connections with the real worldglobal connections . In the morning I could be attending a lecture about the anatomy of the human body, but later in the afternoon, I could be in an internship at a local hospital. I canwould be able to see first hand how doctors with my own eyes, and how nurses apply what I will be learning; ways to save people's lives. NYU's Shanghai campus is also great way for me to furtherexpand my ambitions by developing a deeper connection with my Chinese culture through the Study Abroad Program. BeingIn a rising city in the global economy and largest in terms of population (Change the language hear. Try to make it more concise and straight to the point. be careful with verb tense and agreement.) , NYU's Shanghai campus is full of opportunities and discoveries that no other university can provide.

As a student, my most promising traits are my determination and persistence. Hours and hours spent running on the track running taught me that progress comes through persistence and determination. When I first tried out for my school's track team during my freshmen year, I could barely finish the mile that was required to make the team. I was denied a spot on the team. I trained every day for the entire summer and when tryouts took place again the next year my training paid off and I was offered a spot on the team.

My determination and persistence will inspire those around me to work harder and achieve their goals. I have learned that it takes practice to excel, and passion to exceed. As an NYU student, no obstacle will stand in my way when I put my mind to it.

you should more specific in the programs that your are interesting in and describe why.
they want to know why you are a perfect fit for their college

Harrison, the best way to approach this essay will be to engage the admissions officer in a discussion about how the course syllabus you have chosen for yourself will help you achieve your goals and ambitions in relation to your major. After establishing those facts, you can discuss how you have some unique plans to help enhance the NYU student community. Don't approach them with the standard answer relating to their already existing campus activities and clubs. Explain how you plan to develop your own student organizations and why you feel that it will help enhance the community. This is the time to think outside the box and establish yourself as a unique student. Take advantage of the prompt and discuss as best as you can. We can reduce the word count as soon as we are done with the draft versions :-)

Hey,
so firstly: I got rejected from NYU-Stern in ED.

and secondly,
"As a student, my most promising traits are my determination and persistence. Hours and hours spent on the track running taught me that progress comes through persistence and determination. When I first tried out for my school's track team during my freshmen year, I could barely finish the mile that was required to make the team. I was denied a spot on the team. I trained every day for the entire summer and when tryouts took place again next year my training paid off and I was offered a spot on the team"

This here isn't doing you any favors. Is too long and vague. You'ld be better off making it succint.

This Part:
"In the morning I could be attending a lecture about the anatomy of the human body, but later in the afternoon, I could be in an internship at a local hospital. I canwould be able to see first hand how doctors with my own eyes, and how nurses apply what I will be learning; waysto save people's lives"

I'ld re-write it as:
I perceive myself attending lectures about the anatomy of the human body at the ...(name of the departments hall here) as well as utilizing the excellent internship opportunities available at local hospitals to gain practical knowledge pertaining to my field.

Hope it helps.

good luck!