If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)
I would love to spend the day with the hero of my childhood, Michelangelo of the Ninja Turtles. Risking his life to protect a city that hated him because he was different, always looking at the bright side no matter what hardships come his way, Mikey inspired me to care less about what the world thought of me and be truer to myself. Our day would be spent touring the sights of NYC, and we'll have a blast even if the odd person or two runs away screaming at the sight of a giant mutant turtle!
I chose Michelangelo because I wanted to be more original, but does the response work?
You should talk more about what would you do because it is the focus of the essay. I like the creative idea of using ninja turtles
Thanks, I completely agree, it's just that I felt it necessary to explain why I chose Michelangelo, as the reason might not be obvious, and that alone takes up a huge chunk of the 500 words.
Anyone more feedback? I promise I'll return the favor.
It's different. But I don't think you should include the whole video games and skateboarding.. You have the opportunity to do anything with this character..so I think you should choose something more spontaneous so that the reader would know that you like being productive
Yah, I know . My sister is applying to the same school. It is the matter of word use
Constantly risking his life to protect a city that hates him for his appearance, always looking at the bright side despite all the hardships that come his way, watching Mikey inspired me to care less about what the world thought of me and be more true to myself. We would spend the day playing video games and skateboarding -> you may want to shorten this , instead of writing this much may be you can use some big adjective word to describe his character. I would assume people know about Ninja turtles because it is well advertised in USA
We would spend the day playing video games and skateboarding. At night, we would costume up, go out, and do random acts of kindness -> I agree with cherrilyn about this . May be spend a day seeing NY magnificent side. At night, we... ( you should talk more than just random acts of kindness) -> random is not a good word for this
Also , kick some humor in the essay !!!
Constantly risking his life to protect a city that hates him for his appearance, always looking at the bright side despite all the hardships that come his way, watching Mikey inspired me to care less about what the world thought of me and be more true to myself.
This sentence is too long. Try shortening it and like others have said, write something that you would do that reflects his character and how you perceive it
helpinghand
I think the essay is still lack of unique and creative element
The sentence that describe Michelangelo is still too long. The essay does not ask to explain about why you choice such and such so you can just be like - Michelangelo - a fun, care free and courageous hero. And then try to find some activities that can reflect you and Michelangelo character
I see.. Um.. How's this then?
I would love to spend the day with the hero of my childhood, Michelangelo of the Ninja Turtles, whose selfless heroism and boundless optimism still inspire me to this day. Wearing my Halloween turtle costume, we would tour NYC in search of civilians to help, stopping for breaks whenever we come across a pizzeria. There might be people who might give us a hard time for our appearance, but if Mikey has taught me anything, it's to not let the perception of others stop me from having a good time!
i think your last revision is good!! however you should change the second "might" in the last sentence to something else like "will" - it sounds a little awkward
Oh yeah, I didn't notice that. Thanks!
