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Naruto, an awesome genin ninja, favorite character - Stanford Roomate

diboy2 6 / 23  
Dec 27, 2010   #1
Pls. critique my essay

My idol is a kid's cartoon character who sports whisker marks and wears an orange jacket every episode. I am a very forgetful person and sometimes, I get a little messy. These are a few things that describe me, but in detail, they reveal a profound insight into my character.

I love to watch anime because they produce characters with very exaggerated personalities. In fact, I admire naruto the most because of that. Due to housing the nine-tailed fox, he suffered prejudice and loneliness through his childhood. Yet he believes in the Will of Fire: a philosophy of unstoppable determination and drive that has caused him to develop acknowledgement from his friends and enemies. Sometimes, I repeat YouTube videos of his emotional moments to fuel my own motivations in life.

However, I have also inherited Naruto's inattentiveness. Sometimes, I neglect other events because I focus too intensely on one addicting task. From school work to final projects, the unpredictability on what I was going to forget next convinced me to write on my planner. Now, I focus on two tasks: working hard on my goals, and remembering to look at my planner.

Sometimes, in my own Naruto seriousness, I ignore the disordered stacks of homework papers that might leave the room a little messy. I swear it is only because I am busy with other work. When I notice the slight disorder, I will immediately panic and bring out the vacuum.

To my roommate, expect a naruto smile that hides the loneliness. Expect a person that rarely heeds social standings. In fact, from repeated listens, you will eventually remember a great genin ninja quote: "Believe it."

psh1107 3 / 6  
Dec 27, 2010   #2
I like how you described naruto and the nine-tailed fox.
on the third paragraph, there shouldn't be a coma between I and swear.
You forgot the I between roommate and expect on the last paragraph.
Maybe try to get further on why naruto would be your dream roommate.
You're getting there!
Lightning55 3 / 11  
Dec 28, 2010   #3
I am a very forgetful person, and sometimes, I get a little messy.

I admire N aruto the most because of that. Due to housing the Nine-Tailed Fox

Heh, there is humor tapped with sincerity in this. I feel like I really know you. I just made a few edits but nothing really serious.
bbish520 8 / 30  
Dec 28, 2010   #4
I really like how you reflect yourself through the character. It really gave me a insight of you.

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