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"Observe the Global Warming " - An intellectual experience. Dartmouth supplement



dominic_jiang 3 / 7  
Oct 23, 2014   #1
Any criticism is welcome. Thank you!

Observe the Global Warming

My geography teacher was talking about sea level rise, serious indeed, caused by Greenhouse Effect. To me, however, it was just some numbers and terminologies. My life in an inland city wouldn't be affected; moreover, my travel to Maldives wouldn't be affected.

I could hardly see any difference of the sea when the ferry took me from Maldives' airport to Male, the capital, except the sun, at that moment, was sinking in the margin of sea. I had never faced to the sun so directly; when I was in China, sun, a shy girl, always held a vest, consisted of particular matter, to shelter her face. While right here, having discarded previous camouflage, she showed her pure beauty.

Like the sun here, local people were also pure-hearted. Since I had failed to find a map on the internet and no bulletin at the ferry told me the way, I was lost. Suddenly a man stopped his motor beside me and asked what my problem was.

"Do you know where is the Skai Lodge?" I asked.

He pointed the way for me and then went away.

When I got the next crossroad I saw him again, obviously waiting for me.

"Turn left, then you can see your hotel," he said, "Are you from China?"

"Thank you. Yes, I am Chinese." I raised my alarm; my instinct told me he may have other intention.

"I love China. When I drive along the street or go to market you can see me. Here is my number. You can use the phone in hotel to call me."

Was I in a dream? I had never met a warm-hearted man like him, perhaps nor in the future. Living in a vast country, I felt the distance between people's heart was vast, too. I became more self-centered and careless about the things not directly related to me. I was used to ignoring the troubled people on the streets, not to mention the people on other corners of the earth. ISIS and Scotland's vote seemed to be in a different world from me, until that moment, when I stood on the land where some scholars predicted would be submerged within 50 years.

Looking into the clear water, the flowing jade, I could hardly imagine it devouring the islands. Ironically, the ocean that brought this country tourist and thus wealth would, before long, destroy it.

I never noticed the global warming so close, so close that it pushed the learning about it in school away. Only the shadows of local people remained; they taught me how to play carrom(Indian pool), invited me to play street football and chatted with me about their fishing life.

I must take action to prevent the global warming, or else those shadows are destined to be swept away. To others, the inundation of Maldives merely means the lost of a vacationland; but to me, it means the vanishment of flesh-and-blood residents and their beloved homeland.

Lucy2457 4 / 9  
Oct 23, 2014   #2
This is a good start! There are several things I might consider.
1. Rather than "global warming", say "climate change." It seems to be the preferred term now, because many people are arguing that we are experiencing "global cooling."

2. Make "vacationland" into "vacation land" or "tourist getaway"
3. Take out "consisted of particular matter," Just say, "always held a vest to shelter her face."
4. Did the man who talked to you stop his motor bike? The motor of his car? Elaborate.
Good luck!
RawrKiwiz 2 / 2  
Oct 24, 2014   #3
Adding personal experience is a good tactic.

In your conclusion try to incorporate your teacher. What part does it have to the story?


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